天下制覇

Jessica <3

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And now I have discovered my purpose. Fielding various theme teams to conquer all-comers. Each team is unlocked when you beat the game (any mode, any team, and the next one is opened), and the mix ‘n match functionality is the last thing opened. Here’s a whole stage start to finish with an experimental team to make up for the earlier cutoff.

Now this… this may have given me cancer or at least some wasting disease like lupus. I’m not sure what part exactly… the fact that the enemies are generic polygons… or maybe that the boss patterns are the kind of things I do in Danmakufu just to see if I understand how math works… or maybe that the only way to accumulate points is by slashing one certain kind of bullet and then collecting the items that also look like bullets that spew forth… or maybe it’s the fact that the hitbox is a lie. IF YOU INCLUDE A HITBOX, IT SHOULD BE NOT BE A LIE. Sheesh. Luckily, I’ve got REFRAIN in the wings to cleanse my palate.

As one of the sane people of the world people who didn’t like Lucky Star, I kind of just wanted to get this one out of the way, but it actually didn’t turn out anywhere nearly as awful as I dreaded. In a world where Guardian Heroines didn’t exist, this might even be a respectable beat-em-up. Even if you’re not a Lucky Star fan, you’ll probably get a few giggles out of it. Let’s be fair though, I expected it to give me cancer and I only got a headcold. This is not high praise by any means.

Sorry Clannad fans.

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SWARM!!!!

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The name of this amused me more than anything else. It’s a harmless little SHMUP. Somebody needs to take the makers aside and let them know that covering the screen with powerups and bullets at the same time is a no-no. That was also my virgin playthrough of the first stage. See if you can guess where I figured out to spew out the ‘bombs/missiles’ to build up the score and you win a cookie. It gets a little more complex in the later goings, but eh… I’ve got Imperishable Night and TWINS to keep me warm.

It comes as no surprise to me that my weakness as a magical girl is an overwillingness to commit to the Divine Buster.

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I have a party to drink at go to this evening, so I’m trying to run through some of this stuff at record speed. Gleam of Force is first up, and my first two impressions are: "Why the hell would the player 1 controls be hbnm with zxc as the action buttons?" and "I wish my laptop was mighty enough to handle French Bread’s games." My first couple matches are that same kind of manic button mashing affair that I had with Glove on Fight, which is apparently the spiritual precursor to this since they play pretty similarly (and this is "GoF2" despite there not being a "Gleam of Force 1." The engines are also pretty similar, which is to say that they’re absurdly complex. I haven’t quite figured out how to block yet, but I do know how to slow time with my ballerina. How many other games can you say that for?

So I says to Mavis, "Mavis," I says, "Remember that game Archon for the PC/NES?" and Mavis says "WHAT!?" and I says "Mavis! Put your hearing aid in." So Mavis says "I can’t hear you, let me put my hearing aid in." Then I says to Mavis I says "Mavis, remember that game Archon?" and Mavis says "Yes, he was a bonny child," and I continues anyway since Mavis is having one of her moods, "Mavis," I says, "You know what I always thought would improve that game? If they replaced the pieces with cardboard cutouts of Haruhi characters dressed up in medieval attire," and Mavis says "No thank you, they give me wind."