Summer Time Render #03 — “Let’s Split Up and Search The Haunted House”

April 28th, 2022


His eye is magic. I get it. Please stop with the closeups.


The start was okay enough, though still in very much a corny horror kind of way. Gee, there's this house clearly filled with shadow monsters who have already killed multiple people. Let's split up and poke around it. You can't have a horror setup without dumbass teenagers making terminally stupid decisions at every turn, after all. Unfortunately, the rest of the episode was pretty much filler. Not even the crazy kind of filler like the terrorist has to do a Roadrunner/Wile E Coyote routine with a pernicious cat during a pizza festival. More like the sawdust kind of filler where they stuff tasteless nothing into the script until it's bloated enough to fill out the entire twenty minute run time.

After Loud Housewife dispels the little girl monster by being loud, and disappointingly not being an axe murderer herself, pretty much the whole rest of the episode is spent primping and preening for the festival. Any time any character has to say "You don't need to tell me that," you can take that as a clarion sign that the entire conversation was unneeded. Mostly reminders that these other people exist, who I'm sure won't end up also being shadow monsters and/or messily murdered by shadow monsters themselves eventually, but why not now? Why are we doing a whole bit on ice cream… Excuse me, two bits on ice cream, instead of stabbing and/or shooting people? 


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