Magical Girlfriend From the Roof, Possibly Enslaved

Studio Apartment, Natural Lighting, Angel Included
https://tenshitsuki.com/
Studio: Okuruto Noboru
Genre: Comedy
Premieres March 30th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
Has it been long enough from Ah! My Goddess that flagrantly copying it counts as original? Not really, considering in the interim we've had all manner of other random flavors of wife drop in. Fox, dragon, ghost, demon, etc. But now we return to angel. Who exists solely to fuss over the milquetoast protagonist, crawl into bed with him, take baths with him, etc, but platonically, so he can blush over it while the screen is covered in sparkles. All of that is in the promo for the show. Comedy is not high on the priority list for this 'romantic comedy.' But neither is romance either. It has girls. Therefore it is a romance. It has a flustered dude. Therefore it is a comedy. Print it and ship it. I haven't even mentioned the studio, which is one of the worst out there at the moment. Good god.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
   
Do this premise with Wario. I dare you.

I, The Overlord, Took an Elf Slave as My Wife, How Should I Love Her?
https://madome-anime.com/
Studio: Brain's Base
Genre: Ugh
Premieres April 4th* (Two episode premiere)

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
At least it's not a dude with a lion for a head this time, or does that make it more creepy and weird instead of less? Even Bunny Black had the good grace to be aware enough to point out that this was pretty messed up. The promos are certainly trying to play up this horrid setup as being actually super duper romantic because he was destitute as a child too. Oh, well, if he's a GOOD slave owner, then that makes it fine. Adorable even. One thing the promos don't have at all is animation. They're capital R ROUGH. Not that it even needs much, but this is your chance to show off and try to hook people, an instead you're playing melodramatic music over stills for minutes on end. Not a great sign.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Dude, start with a guinea pig instead.

Astro Note
https://sh-anime.shochiku.co.jp/astro-note/
Studio: Telecom Animation Film
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 5th

Show Premise: 
Landlord has crush on alien tenant.

Random Thoughts:
Original, I suppose, trying to be a throwback slapstick romantic comedy. Which means… say it with me… the dude in the promo goes "EEEEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!????" and then "WHAAAAAATTTT!?!?" He also makes some faces. At least one of the other girls appears to be some flavor of vampire as well, so it really is a landlord harem of yore. There was at least one gag in the promo about her hauling out a rocket launcher to go after a pelican, so I won't say it's totally hopeless, but I'm pretty tapped out of the current trend in anime comedy screaming these days, and it doesn't look anywhere near absurd enough to justify all the aural abuse. It is the least toxic of all these "girlfriend drops in from the roof" shows this season, by dint of not actually having a relationship and him just being a pathetic Nice Guy stalker, so there's… that, I guess.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Somehow Japan hasn't discovered Donald gibberish humor.

Vampire Dormitory
https://vampire-dormitory.com/
Studio: Studio Blanc
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Vampire takes homeless dude to be his feeding-slave, not realizing he's transgender.

Random Thoughts:
This is a cheesy boy-harem romance thing, because when vampires are involved in Japanese media, it's always that or splatter. Do not expect any actual understanding of gender politics or the like from it either, at least not any more than any of these other things like Diabolik Lovers or Vampire Knight. Drinking blood is totes sexy though. The lowest hanging fruit imaginable to have the excuse of moaning and blushing while everybody is completely oblivious about their identity. Every other character is another pointy chinned, sparkling pretty dude as well, all fussing over the twink in the midst.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Everybody has crabs.

Unnamed Memory
https://unnamedmemory.com/
Studio: ENGI
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 9th

Show Premise: 
Dude has a curse that will magically kill any wife he takes, so he proposes to a magically resistant witch.

Random Thoughts:
Another pretty generic girly romance thing, though at least nobody's reincarnated and it's just generic fantasy instead of some RPG mechanic nonsense. That said, the writing is apparently a fever swamp of chaotic nonsense, contrivance, weird twists, and tedium. It takes a lot for people besides me to say that about a piece of Japanese media, so I'm actually kind of intrigued by how egregious the writing has to be to get there. Apparently through predestination paradoxes, time traveling, and a bunch of handwaving magical destiny frippery. And yet, somehow, the promos are trying to make this out to be a magical fighting setup. I honestly have no idea what's going on here.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Sure, you ask the hot teenage witch, but not Igopius the Wise.

Things That Will Make You Feel Painfully Old

Spice and Wolf – Merchant Meets the Wise Wolf
https://spice-and-wolf.com/
Studio: Passione
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
Dude travels with wolf girl.

Random Thoughts:
Wow. Did I really make it three episodes into the original go at this? How optimistic and idealistic I was 15 years ago. But now that we're rebooting it and handing it over to a fanservice factory like Passione, I'm sure things will be much classier and get right to the exciting parts of… ???? This originally came out when the whole talk about basic economy in fantasy land schtick was in its infancy. Nowadays? Well, it's gone a bit out of style again, but there was a span where you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a dozen, in multiple different flavors, whether you want or don't want reincarnation, cheat powers, a girl game, time travel, etc. So what's the second attempt bringing to the table? Well, again, Passione, so more nudity, and the PV bears that out. Or should I say bares? Also, the longer title more fully explaining the premise. Yeah, that's exactly what it needed.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

The spicy wolf was too spicy.

Bartender
https://bartender-anime.com/
Studio: Liber
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 3rd

Show Premise: 
Man tends bar.

Random Thoughts:
If I'm including Spice and Wolf's reboot, I guess I have to include this too, since its first go round was a few years before S&W's. It's an extremely episodic and formulaic affair. Someone comes in with some trouble, he prescribes them a specific mixed drink, everything is resolved with a bow on top. Which might be fine if the stories/characters were actually interesting or they were well-told stories, but it can always be summarized by "Maybe try not being sad, and drink." And that always fixes everything. Of course it does.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Definitely not the fun kind of bar.

Grandpa and Grandma are Young Again
https://jisanbasan.com/
Studio: Gekkou
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
The concept of an old person who looks like a child is not exactly rare in anime, guys. Okay, so this isn't being played entirely for gags, or as a way to make everybody give you the sideeye by trying to say that the 12 year old you drew is actually a 1,000 year old dragon or book or whatever so her being slimed in a microbikini by a horny octopus is actually fine, but there's not any meat here either. Each 'chapter' is about three pages, bouncing back and forth between a punchline going "You sure act like an old person but you are young now" and "We may be young, but all our life is precious." Do not expect drama or even comedy on the par of… I don't know, Hidamari Sketch? I think even The Smurfs has more story and development going on. It really is incredible how the "girls in a club" fan is almost completely obliterated at this point.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

The spectre of death comes for us all.

My Laid Back Life in Another World As a Former Hero Candidate Who Got Cheat Powers at Level 2
https://lv2-cheat.com/
Studio: JC Staff
Genre: Ugh
Premieres April 8th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
This may appear misclassed and should be in the obligatory cheat power RPG Narnia crap, but bear with me a moment. Yes, it's an 'amazing' twist. His stats glitched out at level 2 and become infinite. You know, as they do. And so he sets out to live a normal life immediately amass a harem of demihuman girls. Again, as you do. But then you start looking at the studio, JC Staff, the director, Iwasaki Yoshiaki, and see that the main hero is voiced by Satoshi Hino, the main girl is voiced by Kugimiya Rie, the side princess is voiced by Kawasumi Ayako, and it keeps going down the list. If you don't recognize all those names, this is about 90% the same staff and cast as Zero no Tsukaima. So what is this? A stealth 20 year reunion? Yes, twenty. It can't be the same author, what with the stomach cancer that killed him 10 years ago. Zero was the epitome of trashy fantasy fanservice of 2005, and 20 years later, we have the inbred bastardization of what trash fantasy has become. Ye gods, it's like looking at pictures of pugs from 50 years ago.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

I'll show you a master-servant relationship.

The Cheat Power Reincarnation in RPG World Corner

I Was Reincarnated as the Seventh Prince, So I Can Master Magic At My Leisure
https://dainanaoji.com/
Studio: Tsumugi Akita Anime Lab
Genre: Paining Me
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
Now we enter the actual cheat power shows, so the last one was just a nice segue. He wasn't given cheat powers. He's just some arch-wizard who reincarnated and got to keep all his cheat powers from before, but now as a child. Truly a creative twist on this garbage. And immediately amasses a harem of women, including a servant maid, of course, because he's pretending to be 12, thereby making it totally okay. Don't worry, the girls are respectfully naked in the bath in the promo. By respectfully, I mean their nipples are conveniently covered. Anyway, NEXT.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

I'm sorry for complaining. I'm ready to go back to anthropomorphic tank girls now.

A Former Hero is Branded a Failure and Banished From His Home, So He Decides to Live How He Wants
https://www.dekisoko-anime.com/
Studio: Studio Deen
Genre: Long Titles
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
Before you go thinking this is super cliche, the premise is not that he's a hero and kicked out of the whatever, but that he's the REINCARNATION of a hero still with all his super duper powers, and kicked out of the whatever. Yes, it's not super generic. It's super ultra mega double cliche. And so he gathers a harem through protagonist magnetism, blah blah goddamned blah. Every time, I try to scratch the surface a little deeper on these things in the hopes that there's some actual redeeming factor, or genuinely unique, or even well-executed twist or story or anything on the awful formula, but that's not what the audience of these is here for at all. And I'm not even sure humans are involved in making these things any more. The day of an entirely ChatGPT-written reincarnation RPG cheat world thing will come within our lifetimes, if it hasn't already.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

At least nobody in a NEW show is a slime.

Re:Monster
https://re-monster.com/
Studio: Studio Deen
Genre: Yay Rape
Premieres April 4th

Show Premise: 
Dude reincarnates as a goblin that can absorb powers.

Random Thoughts:
And so immediately becomes the strongest by being the only one in the world who's smart enough to pick up named skills and then… use them. So he embarks on a campaign of torture and debauchery. The novel apparently enjoys goes into very graphic length about how much he totures those who disobey him in order to keep everybody else in line, while he also amasses a slave wife harem that needs to be raped occasionally to keep in line, as is the status quo of this world, making it okay, because of course there's also slaves, and of course he and they are completely fine with it because he's a GOOD master, and good people get a free pass to indulge in all their worst instincts. God, all these stupid things just blend together, and the ones that are completely unabashed about being horrible power fantasies are always the worst. Deen is a mediocre studio in its best moments, and this is absolutely not going to be one of them. I am absolutely confident in that.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Why is nobody being reincarnated as an alien? Or even to the future?

Reincarnated as an Aristocrat with the Appraisal Skill – I Inherited a Weak Kingdom, But By Nurturing the Most Gifted People, It Becomes the Strongest Kingdom
https://kanteiskill.com/
Studio: Studio Mother
Genre: Ennui
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
I'm exhausted just typing out the title. He can see everybody's stats as numerical values, and obviously buys the slave girl that secretly has the highest magic power level, that only he can see. It may not be anywhere close to the most egregious cheat power harem RPG horse-assery out there, or even within this season, but good god, am I past ready to move on. I'll even take going back to the parade of gender swapped Nobunagas at this point. Gachas based on obscure classes of random military materiel? Great, sounds amazing. Anything but more of this.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Be careful what you wish for.

The New Gate
https://the-new-gate-pr.com/
Studio: Yokohama Animation Lab
Genre: The Despair of Mankind
Premieres April 13th

Show Premise: 
Dude beats VRMMO that trapped people, wakes up 500 years later and the game is reality.

Random Thoughts:
So… Sword Art Online, but skipping to the end of the first arc just in the promos/premise. Cheat power, harem, status screens, yada yada yada. It is weaponized unoriginality. It's Yokohama Animation Lab too, so you know the animation is going to be horrendously awful. And… yep. Promos do indeed look like garbage. But please, industry. Keep this crap coming. There's only… let's count… GODDAMNED ELEVEN of these things this season. How!? Why? How is this not so oversaturated that it's no longer profitable. I genuinely don't understand.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

A garbage pile purporting to be human.

Fanservice Fantasy With Only SOME Magical Powers

Gods are Hungry to Play Games
https://godsgame-anime.com/
Studio: LIDENFILMS
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
People play games.

Random Thoughts:
Technically, the first three episodes were screened on Youtube in early March, so I'm sure I COULD track them down, but we'll see how lazy I feel. At last we escape the cheat powers to… also more cheat powers, to be honest. Everybody gets a random super power, and then competes in some contrived game where the score doesn't matter and the rules are irrelevant. Another one of these asinine survival tournament things like Darwin's Game, Battle in Five Seconds, etc. In other words, an excuse to constantly rewrite the setting rules so they can spend 90% of the time explaining them and then rules lawyering at each other. Not of the 'serious' survival flavor, but of the 'goofy' one. And lest you think this is well written, it's the same writer as Our Last Crusade, that terrible Romeo and Juliet thing from the height of covid times, if you remember that for some godforsaken reason. The protagonist is obviously a super genius who has never lost at anything. He gets teamed up with a bevy of haremettes so they can listen to rules, and then make them up. Huzzah.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Stay and rest, it's mostly slightly better from here.

A Salad Bowl of Eccentrics
https://www.tbs.co.jp/anime/hensara/
Studio: SynergySP
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 4th

Show Premise: 
Girls from a fantasy world end up in Japan.

Random Thoughts:
This is completely a gag comedy, by the same dude as Haganai and A Sister is All You Need, mostly split between the princess who crashes with a private investigator and becomes a detective anime fan, and a knight who decides to live on the street and is constantly getting up to shenanigans. I won't deny that the latter could be clever when it stopped trying to sell random board games, and that one foul mouthed horny girl was some actual genuine rare humor, but it wasn't all THAT funny. Maybe dispensing with the existential angst does it good though? I mean, it is a small child blowing things up. Well, the promos are very fanservicey, and the whole cast is quite gimmicky. And almost entirely female, most with crushes on the one dude. Not blazing THAT many trails, after all.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Two neutral capybaras.

The Crow Who Doesn't Choose His Master
https://www.nhk-character.com/karasu/
Studio: Studio Pierrot
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
Royal crow people court intrigue.

Random Thoughts:
Coming off of how bored of Apothecary Diaries I was by the end, I'm not sure a worse studio and everybody having crow powers are the secret spices for another go round in totally not-Heian era inner/outer court intrigue. Oh, but the protagonist is also a dude this time. Well, then. That changes… nothing. It too is part of a fairly long light novel series, so don't expect it to go anywhere any time fast, though this particular book is the second. I guess the first is even more piffling around than usual if it's being skipped entirely. Actually, it's because the first was all about the concubines, but the REAL meat is the two pretty boys and their master/servant relationship, of course. You don't stare so angstily without that.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Bird brains.

The Demons Next Door
https://tonari-no-yokai-san.com/
Studio: LIDENFILMS
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
Townspeople live with youkai.

Random Thoughts:
Each chapter is about 5 pages generally where some humanoid yokai just sort of… exists in a rural setting. For example, one is a kappa girl getting embarrassed, so the bald spot on her head puffs steam. That's it. That's the chapter. There are a number of recurring characters, but there's no overarching story, or even cohesion from one chapter to the next. Occasionally, someone wonders what's up with *waves hands* everything, but then they ignore it and go back to inoffensive not-quite humor. And somehow, this town has not been overrun with furries. I'm already not much of a fan of stuff like Natsume's Book of Friends, and this has even less direction and development, so I don't have high hopes.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Dude you can't just ask someone to yiff.

Mysteries, Maidens, and Mysterious Disappearances
https://totokami.com/
Studio: Zero-G
Genre: Boobs
Premieres April 10th

Show Premise: 
Lady and dude hunt ghosts.

Random Thoughts:
Remember that 'horror' show from a couple years back, The Girl Who Can See, where it had monsters, but always contrived to be super focused on how the characters have large chests, or the camera conveniently up their skirts? The source is basically the same thing. Now, the promos are holding back on the fanservice, but a couple episodes had a pre-airing at a con, and apparently caused a stir by replacing stuff like full frontal nudity in shower scenes with conveniently obscured nipples. And doesn't that really just tell you both what the expectations for the show are, and how little anything else matters besides the amount of nipples expected to be on display? Always a key metric in whether or not a show is worth watching.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

What about boobish monsters?

Teenage Girls Having Shenanigans

Where Does the Doomsday Train Go?
https://shumatsu-train.com/
Studio: EMT Squared
Genre: Drama?
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
Four girls board a probably ghost train.

Random Thoughts:
An original show, so your guess is as good as mine, but the key staff here are the same people as Shirobako… and Squid Girl and Genshiken. They're prolific. By the promos, it doesn't seem too deep into fantasy or especially not wacky like Flip Flappers or The Rolling Girls, but seems to be broadly the same vein; a bunch of girls on a coming of age trip but mostly just being silly and getting into wacky misadventures, except the promo also pretty heavily implies that there was a fifth girl who's now dead or something, and everywhere this train goes are abandoned ghost towns, except for the old dude with his pet guinea pig? Your guess is as good as mine. At least the trailer was pretty well animated.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Play the Apocalypse Claw Machine.

Jellyfish Can't Swim in the Night
https://yorukura-anime.com/
Studio: Doga Kobo
Genre: Comedy?
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
Girls hang out?

Random Thoughts:
Yeah, sorry. I have no idea. This is also an original, and the promos are pretty confused, though are certainly very animated and expressive. Mostly girls running around, frequently in costumes, but one's dressed up to busk on the subway and the other's an artist or something? And they… run around together? Based on the studio and stupid faces on the website, I think it's a comedy, but I'm not sure I really got that vibe from the promos. The premise says they form a group, but there doesn't seem to be any idol label attached to this or similar. I'm not sure that I can say that it's expressing any particular vision, except perhaps "has a variety of girls doing their bestest." It certainly wouldn't be the first, or last, show to bank its entire roll on that pitch.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

peeppeeppeeppeeppeeppeeep.

The Other Side of Voice Actor Radio
https://seiyuradio-anime.com/
Studio: Connect
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 10th

Show Premise: 
Voice actors have a radio show.

Random Thoughts:
The 'joke' being that they're both pretending to be completely different people professionally, but pretend to like each other on air when actually they hate each other. Thinking about it, it's actually surprising we haven't been deluged by these things since almost every popular voice actor back in the 2000s-2010s had their own weekly radio show. Maybe they still do, or they've pivoted to VTubing. And because that gimmick is all it has, every volume just adds a new girl that is also different from her stage performance. Like the 25 year old who plays children. Or the 11 year old who plays adults. Yes, those are two things so different and unique that they each needed to be separate books. At least someone is writing something that isn't cheat power reincarnation. That's… something?

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Coming soon, a show that's just voice actors playing meme games from 10+ years ago.

Very Loud Dudes Yelling Very Loudly

WIND BREAKER
https://wb-anime.net/
Studio: CloverWorks
Genre: Action
Premieres April 4th

Show Premise: 
Dudes fight.

Random Thoughts:
Oho, but there's a twist, and no, it's not about flatulence, and Japanese media companies, I continue to implore you to at least Google the names of things in English before you use them. See, the school of fighting deliquents are actually all good guys fighting against the local non-school gangs and mobsters. No super powers or magical genies or anything. Which actually is kind of unique, if a bit of a weird one. It's Cloverworks anyway, so that means production will appear to start off strong and then devolve into a nightmare of problems and delays. Amazingly, nobody in the PV goes "BWAAAAAAAGH!" either, so that already puts it on top of the dudes fighting heap as far as I'm concerned.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Wind Breaker vs Jacket Offer.

Mission: Yozakura Family
https://mission-yozakura-family.com/
Studio: Silver Link
Genre: Action
Premieres April 7th* (late night)

Show Premise: 
Dude marries into family of super powered spies.

Random Thoughts:
…Because her brother is a possessive murderous psychopath about his sister. Yet another Jump thing, and a prime time airing one at that, though this one DOESN'T have someone go "EEEEHHHHH!?" in the promo(s), which is remarkable restraint on Silver Link's part. This IS their A-team after all, such as it is (ie Prisma Ilya, Max Out Defense, etc), so they can put out impressively animated fights when they feel like it. The premise is essentially identical to Malevolent Spirits, just substitute the word tsukumogami for spy, but since the target demographic is a little younger, the character designs are significantly goofier, and characters go "BWAAAAGH" a lot more. Like most Jump things, it is extremely endless, though if it somehow gets to like the 5th season, it'll go all Dragonball Z and timeskip into a soft reboot. Spoilers. We'll all be dead from Swine Flu-2041 at that point anyway.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

I may be manic and desperate for anything this season.

Go! Go! Loser Ranger!
https://anime.shochiku.co.jp/anime-sentai-daishikkaku/
Studio: Yostar Pictures
Genre: Action
Premieres April 7th* (late night)

Show Premise: 
After crushing the evil army, the good guys force them to re-enact their defeat over and over for their personal entertainment and glory. One of the henchmen infiltrates the good guys to find a way to fight back.

Random Thoughts:
Technically not Jump, but courting the same audience, meaning that while a bit more serious, the promo still has a dude overreacting and going "BWAAAAAAAAGH!" We're years into the superheroes-are-actually-bloodthirsty-lunatics trend in the west between stuff like The Boys and Invincible, so it's a little amusing to see anime finally dipping their toe in past "what if the bad guys were silly." On the other hand, this is a prime time show, so don't expect it to really indulge in the edginess, and the manga's not even that jarring to start with. Yostar's an interesting studio; formed because the Arknights/Blue Archive people couldn't get anime studios to take on small projects to advertise their games, so they turned that gacha money into making their own studio, with blackjack and hookers likely, since they're taking on other franchises too now that they're up and running. They do seem to be putting a lot of budget into all their shows, but this is still a never-ending series of people with themed powers who instead spend the entire thing reciting what they are, why they're fighting, and then flashbacks to further explain it. But who knows, maybe this newcomer will know how to actually adapt. I doubt it though.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Yes, yes, Toby, we know. You're very subversive too.

Monster #8
https://kaiju-no8.net/
Studio: Production IG
Genre: Action
Premieres April 13th

Show Premise: 
Dudes fight monsters.

Random Thoughts:
The big twist here is that the main dude also turns into a monster to help fight monsters. Truly the most unique premise from a Jump piece of media, aside from Slave of the Elite, Chainsaw Man, Tokyo Ghoul, Terraformars, Dragonball, to say nothing of the hojillion things outside of Jump. Okay, so we're cliche, but cliches exist for a reason, and that reason if you're Jump is because any shred of originality was shot in the face to do the same story over and over. So let's look at the promo. Okay, lots of CGI, but mostly decently animated. And here's the part where he goes "EEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?" when he gets his power, and then a montage of everybody declaring how serious they are. I'm sure fine if you're into Generic High Budget Jump show, and sometimes they're all right for a few episodes, but then they always settle into their same rut, if ever reaching it in the first place. The important part is that it has jokes like characters going "EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!!!!???"

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Everybody do the godzilla.

Back To More Toxic Relationships, But WITHOUT Magic

Hananoi's Love Sickness
https://hananoikun-pr.com/
Studio: East Fish Studio
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 4th

Show Premise: 
Girl decides to be dude's rebound girlfriend.

Random Thoughts:
An actual relationship? Sort of? But not actually because it never goes past holding hands and blushing? And it's all predicated on one act of empathy that is THE ENTIRE WORLD. Yeah, we're not a serious relationship in any way at all. Then you look at the opening chapters and ALL the alarm bells start going off. The dude's a creepy stalker, immediately cutting his hair and making huge lifestyle changes while pestering her night and day, but that's meant to be seen as cute and endearing. It's attention paid to a girl after all. Sooooo, yeah. One of these disturbing things, romanticizing being an obsessive creep and how Ackshally Totes Romantic it is. I am pessimistic.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
The way to every girl's heart is stew. Trust me on this one.

I'm Home, Welcome Back
https://tadaoka-anime.com//index.php
Studio: Studio Deen
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 8th

Show Premise: 
Gay dudes raise their kids.

Random Thoughts:
I really don't want to explain the Omegaverse, but sure. Let's do this. Essentially, it's a subgenre of predominantly gay fiction where people are divided into animalistic terms; alphas, betas, and omegas, with the alphas and omegas being intrinsically dominant/submissive. This is a setting where that is just taken as the natural way of life, to the point where people are socially ostracized if they're like, an omega when they're expected to be an alpha. The actual family stuff and raising a child? Same banal stuff as Japanese media seems to always do. The children are absolutely perfect angels, never misbehaving or projectile spewing liquids everywhere, with nothing but cherubic love for their parents. Which just leaves the Omegaverse stuff. Far be it from me to pass judgement on anybody's fetish fanfiction tastes, but it still seems dehumanizing at best, and like if someone made a whole show where people were in different castes depending on their preferred amount of genital waxing. I don't think we're going to be seeing a Sneetches moral lesson from it.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Don't even think about asking where babies come from.

Whispering You a Love Song
https://sasakoi-anime.com/
Studio: Yokohama Animation Lab
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 13th

Show Premise: 
Girl has crush on girl.

Random Thoughts:
Your 100% generic girl-girl romance of the season, dedicated to never progressing any further than blushing and thinking really hard about their feelings. Almost makes you long for the era of stuff like MariMite that was as subtle as a brick to the face, with all kinds of weird fetishized rituals and codewords around it. Or maybe I'm just nostalgic for all the goofy doujin games it spawned. Something about it apparently lended itself to bullet hells of roses. You'd think there'd have been a rennaissance of that stuff with Steam's explosion, but apparently the age of Clannad-based Spelunker clones and Captain Tsubasa Touhou is long behind us. Or were just entirely consumed by VTuber nonsense. What was I talking about again? Right. They're girls in a band. One has a crush on another. They… blush a lot? Yep.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

At least it's very pink.

Sweaty Sports and Mental Illnesses

Hey, Tonbo!
https://tonbo-anime.com/
Studio: OLM
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
Girl golfs.

Random Thoughts:
The magazine this manga is published in is Weekly Golf Digest, which says actually a lot, doesn't it? As does its timeslot, Saturday morning right after Shadowverse. A manga for people who don't want to buy actual manga, but don't mind it existing next to… golf news. Don't expect crazy golfing either, not even to the level of Birdie Wing. Hell, her gimmick is that she golfs on vibe rather than science, and always sucks for two days, then sets a new record on the third, which you'd think would get old fast, but apparently the manga readers of WEEKLY GOLF DIGEST are not too discerning. This is a standard sports thing, first the regionals, then the extra regionals, then the for real serious regionals, then the nationals, yada yada yada.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Weekly. Golf. Digest.

Amnesia Battery
https://boukyaku-battery.com/
Studio: Mappa
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 9th

Show Premise: 
Super catcher gets baseball-amnesia.

Random Thoughts:
The manga is incredibly corny. The pitcher is SO POWERFUL that he terrifies everyone he goes against into quitting baseball. But he can only pitch to his full potential for his fwwwweeeeeend, who has baseball-amnesia and is now just such a silly-billy. And they go to a school filled with people that he terrified off playing baseball and recruit them into playing again with their spirit of friendship, but also they have the SONIC LEGS SECOND BASEMAN with the power of ULTRA RUNNING and other complete nonsense. By the second chapter, they're aiming for regionals. Of course they are. What else would they be doing?

Preseason Swing Rating: 

When life gives you baseball trauma lemons…

Rinkai!
https://rinkai-pj.com/
Studio: TMS Entertainment
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 9th

Show Premise: 
Girls bike.

Random Thoughts:
Actually one of the weirder alternate world premises, in that it declares that unlike the real world, women's cycling never became a sport, but just now recently caught on and so is the hottest thing ever, and now is being swarmed by athletes from every other sport, eager to become the champion. Technically, keirin is a bit distinct from regular cycling, but you know what's not? The horrific CGI people that they all turn into for all the cycling parts. What is this 1995 era CGI? I think you might be able to do better with an off the shelf copy of Source Filmmaker. Anyway, it's 'original,' but clearly made to advertise… keirin, but even then, every character is divided up into coming from one specific Japanese place. And no, this isn't just because there's only a few characters who have to be distinct. The show's homepage has a whole series of maps and charts about how every place in Japan sends one to three girls. Out of a staggering FORTY THREE total. Yes, I counted, but maybe more were added since then. Are we sure this isn't some weird gacha tie-in? Can't seem to find one, so… uh… this is just really weird.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Earth-491 also never invented the recliner.

Purports to Contain Action, But Most Likely Won't

The Fable
https://www.vap.co.jp/the-fable-anime/
Studio: Tezuka Productions
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
Hitman tries to lead a normal life.

Random Thoughts:
The manga here is mostly comedy, but it's pretty repetitive, trite, and trying to not be too wacky, which is at odds with its whole schtick of the dude being the best ever at literally everything. This isn't a Macgyver or Maverick kind of setup either. The guy just goes "Oh, I'll fake getting hit by this punk to keep my cover" and… that's it. That's the extent of the cleverness and ingenuity on display of his expertise as he thwarts the yakuza trying to figure out what's up with him. That, and jokes about them jerking off to his Gal Friday.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Mission highly improbable.

Blue Archive
https://anime.shochiku.co.jp/bluearchive-anime/
Studio: Yostar Pictures
Genre: Comedy?
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Girls gun fight.

Random Thoughts:
All the Yostar gachas are getting their anime adaptations to pitch them since they created their own studio. Okay, so a different developer than Arknights, and much more in the generic girls with guns vein alongside the hojillion other Strike Witches, Kancolle, Azure Lane, etc. But they have regular names and no tortured attempt to resemble a battleship or nationality. But frankly, you could make a quiz where you try to tell what game these characters are from, or even if they're VTubers or not, and I could not tell any of them apart at all. I guess this is the new visual novel adaptation, but shackled with having to work in 57 characters if it's long running, or doomed to have no resolution for the pre-air pitches. Few manage to even do the job of pitching the gacha, let alone being passable. 

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Still better than girls WITHOUT guns.

Self-Taught Brawling
https://kenkadokugaku.com/
Studio: Okuruto Noboru
Genre: Speedlines
Premieres April 10th

Show Premise: 
Bullied dude tries to make money streaming himself street fighting.

Random Thoughts:
Also known in English as Viral Hit, because the actual title is dumb. The promos are horrendous. They're just stills with speedlines over them, shaken around to make it seem like there's some kind of movement or impact. Then you get to the actual content, which is a dude constantly being barraged by bullies trying to steal his not-Youtube channel because it went viral once, so he takes advice from a streaming karate man dressed like a chicken and learns the One Neat Trick to win, over and over. I have to note that this is in no way a comedy. And yes, that is exactly how streaming, and street fighting works. Want to make it big? Punch a Youtuber.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

This is not what a cyber attack is.