Grimms Notes #06 — Apples to Oranges

February 14th, 2019


Drink every time Snow White screams something that a three year old might say.


It's amazing that they're finding ways to screw up the simplest things, but here we are, with a Snow White story where they start at the epilogue, change every character but the Evil Queen into a petulant brat going through a constant temper tantrum, and the Evil Queen just up and stops being evil over dinner. She's the goddamned Evil Queen. That's essentially her name. The really galling part of this episode is how the protagonists didn't do jack squat. X was kidnapped by the dwarves. Forced to kiss Snow White by the dwarves. Dragged to the castle by Snow White. And then just sat and listened to the series of flashbacks and exposition about how it was just a little spat and everything is resolved by Snow White shrilly yelling that nothing has anything to do with anything else. Then everybody goes "Oh, so it was the mirror. Damn that mirror," and then they leave, everything I guess resolved.

Couldn't we at least have gone in that corny Huntsman movie direction? Or any direction at all really? Weren't we supposed to fight something? Weren't we supposed to fix the story so it was like the actual Snow White story? I guess after they 'fixed' Treasure Island so that John Silver was the hero pirate in search of adventure, all bets are now off. Either that, or they're just not going to bother with much more than a few cursory overtures. Has mirror. Mentions poison apple. Throw in some screaming midgets that we'll call dwarves. SNOW WHITE! Cut, print, and ship.

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