Seriously, Jaeger #06 — Crime Alley

August 16th, 2018


What if instead of becoming Batman, he went on to take baths with morose Eskimo teenage vampires?.


It's all the little moments that this completely flubs that I find so endearing, like a puppy trying to attack a dandelion and falling flat on its face. "Ha ha, that was so easy" quips a dude after shooting the first two of what they know is an incoming horde of vampires. "But wait! Look!" And he gasps with shock to see… the same incoming horde of vampires. Then we just cut away from it and only blip back to show them effortlessly killing the entire horde, because like the other three times, a horde of these vampires isn't a threat at all. It's like these nimrods have no object permanence. And then there's blondie's backstory, tossed out from literally nowhere because the kid didn't do jack squat. He was the damsel in distress for the end of the episode, I guess. Anyway, his backstory is that that his parents were killed in front of him by a crazed monster. That's it. That's the whole thing. Aside from the shadowy thing showing the dude was a vampire, it was a 100% copy paste of Batman's origin story. At least it only lasted a blessed minute or so.

Once again, an entire episode spent sitting around, puttering in the garden, taking a bath, discussing how someone might be up to something… somewhere, until the baddies just break down the door so it can end yet again with Yuliy staring down his brother. Yeah, these clowns are truly the masters of their own destiny and badass monster hunters. The most mystifying part is how they've decided to double down on the flighty love interest being a totally 100% serious character able to fight and everything, just like the big boys. They haven't even bothered to do that for most of the 'established' monster hunters, but here's an adorable little costume for you, honey. Go play in some traffic.

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