God Machine Pandora #01 — Extra Volatile Crab Sex

March 29th, 2018


Wait, so… just falling over kills them?

Yes, I know I'm a bit late with the season preview, and I've already skipped one pre-air thing because it irritated me severely and had two straight up idol bits in the first ten minutes. It's done, except for pithy sprite-based comments, so hopefully up later tonight or more likely tomorrow. The actual broadcast for this show in particular begins on next Wednesday, so episode 2 won't be until the 11th.


This episode couldn't decide whether it wanted to be exceptionally obnoxious, or merely tedious. Take a shot every time the bitchy girl yells "Leon!" and then see if you're still alive by the halfway point. Christ, she rides her little bike out just so she can be proximal to do nothing but shout his name some more. And our hero. Our socially imbecilic moron of a hero, who spends almost the entire thing monologuing technobabble to himself and can't even remember to dress himself, then unlocks the quantum power of quantumness, turns back to naked and flying in space, because Kawamori has to remind us who's directing it, and defeats the giant combined crap monsters by punching them twice and grunting loudly. So I already close to despise the two characters it gave the lion's share of the focus to because all they do is scream and babble. Also, I don't know why knocking them over counts as defeating them. I also don't know how he became impervious to acid and explosions. Something something hyperdrive something quantums.

The setting is your tired post apocalpytic mech deal, and most of the episode was spent having the characters announce various factoids about it, which comes after the start, a straight up infodump detailing the setting. The point of exposition is to get to the story, guys. It's not to set up the context for further exposition. My favorite part was the slow zoom in on a building for close to a minute. Closely followed up by one of the female characters being introduced by a very long closeup of her massive boobs jiggling. That would also be the extent of her contribution to the episode, and happened at least two or three more times. The action is just bad CGI, at least when it's not just people staring at tac-screens and swearing about the might of gooey crab sex. The crab monsters… excuse me… The crab BRAI are nonsensical amalgams that just random wave appendages or spew goo that either explodes or is acidic depending on the writer's whim, and everything is invincible (or vincible) until it's suddenly not, so it's back to the exposition to cover those holes.

Posted in Pandora | 1 Comment »

One Lonely Comment

  • Sol says:

    Image 81 sealed it. Not even touching this with a 100ft pole.