天下制覇

Time Ship 24
http://www.ytv.co.jp/timebokan24/
Studio: Tatsunoko Productions
Genre: Merchandising
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 1st

Show Premise:
Tokio's recruited into the space-time police and travels through time doing slapstick.

Random Thoughts:
This would be Yet Another Tatsunoko Reboot Thing™. It's at primetime though, and decidedly not as 'serious' as Yatterman Night or Casshern Sins, or up its own ass as Gatchaman Crowds. I would say that being aimed at a slightly younger audience would probably mean that the Japanese comedy would be even crappier than the already atrocious baseline, but honestly, awful puns and general stupidity wrapped in a thin veneer of edutainment probably would be a step up from the usual exaggerated reactions and exposition-as-a-punchline.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Classic fanservice

Izetta, The Last Witch
http://izetta.jp/
Studio: Ajiadou
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 1st

Show Premise:
Not-Germany invades Not-Switzerland, and it's up to Izetta, a witch, and her best lesbian bud, a princess, to do something about it.

Random Thoughts:
The promos for this are a mess of random semi-serious shots of WW2 interspersed with half-naked girls squeezing rifles between their thighs as they erupt in sparkling blasts. Also, girls standing sadly in showers. I mean, at least it shows something kind of in the way of action and characters doing things instead of clutching their hands to their chest and looking pained about the horror of war. I'll take ten thousand girls mounted on bayonets over that.  

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Elephant artillery

WWW.WORKING!!
http://working-www.com/
Studio: A-1 Pictures
Genre: Comedy
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 1st

Show Premise:
Spinoff series of you'll never guess what. A slightly different set of totally wacky (but not really) halfwits work in a family restaurant.

Random Thoughts:
About the only thing I enjoyed of the first season was Yamada, who the second and third seasons spent breaking down from probable serial killer into just another blob of nothing. Meanwhile, the relationship crap keep consuming the little comedy there was until there was nothing left but hemming and hawwing over will-they-won't-they that never went anywhere and accomplished nothing but irritating me. So here's a spinoff featuring NOT the staff from the first season, but the writer of the second and third, and the director of the astoundingly awful third. Goddamned fantastic.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

HTTP 404: Website not found at that address

The Magical Girl Raising Project
http://mahoiku.jp/
Studio: Lerche
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 1st

Show Premise:
A cell-phone game for pretending to be magical girls isn't just a wacky competition, but makes girls magical, and is actually super duper ultra dark and serious.

Random Thoughts:
Based off a light novel, and 'creation' is a much better translation, but hey, who am I to argue with non-English speakers? I'd be a lot more willing to buy the premise of super cereal, guys if the promos showed anything even vaguely like that. They're all just your standard pastel flavored fluff of girls smiling and mincing around. It reeks vaguely of desperation too. "People with magic powers compete… but it's really serious, guys. Trust us. For real." Is there really nothing more of a hook that you can provide except some lipservice assurance that it won't be as saccharine as it looks?

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Ice cream… but cursed to be rum raisin!

ViVid Strike!
http://vivid-strike.com/
Studio: Seven Arcs
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 1st

Show Premise:
Spinoff of a spinoff series. Fuuka is a magical girl. Some other characters from the Nanoha franchise are vaguely involved somehow.

Random Thoughts:
This has pretty much nothing in common with the Vivio-centric abortion that was the latest in the extended Nanoha franchise, and in fact, returns the studio and writer to the ones actually responsible for the original shows, of which I am generally speaking a fan. Unfortunately, not the director though. They're still using the awful one from the second and third seasons of Dog Days. He can do action though. He did that weird-ass electro-Spidergirls sequel to a bland teenage melodrama thing. It's stagnated badly lately though, and that Vivio spinoff by Random Dumbwits didn't help matters. It could be a return to form for the franchise, or it could very well continue to show what the later seasons of Dog Days, Trinity Seven, etc have; that Seven Arcs glory days are very long since gone. The promos do have the protagonist fighting off the villainous Gun-Haver before getting coldcocked in the back of the head. Not impressing on the animation, but at least doesn't seem to be as insipid as the last outing was.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Friendship through overwhelming firepower

Song of the Prince – Seriously Love – Legend Star
http://utapri.tv/
Studio: A-1 Pictures
Genre: Merchandising
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 1st

Show Premise:
Sequel season part a billion. Single girl fawned over by a bunch of boy pop stars in training. There's some kind of pop star tournament going on or something.

Random Thoughts:
How would one go about setting the entire Japanese pop star business on fire? I ask not for me, but for a friend. A friend who wants to see the entire thing go up in a blaze of glittery smoke and burning carcases.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha

Tiger Mask W
http://www.toei-anim.co.jp/tv/tigermask_w/
Studio: Toei Animation
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 1st

Show Premise:
Naoto becomes Tiger Mask to defeat the villainous pro-wrestling manipulating group, The Tiger Hole, while Takuma becomes Tiger the Dark to penetrate The Tiger Hole and destroy it from within. May or may not be pornographic.

Random Thoughts:
This is kind of a sequel/spinoff/reboot from the existing Tiger Mask serieses in the 70s and 80s, but I don't know enough about them to really say and I cherish my ignorance. But now, they have two tigers… and one of them is brooding and dark for mature adults like me. It's a Japanese show about a sport. A fake sport at that. It'll be overly melodramatic, paced like a hippo being dragged by a gimpy hamster, and have a running track of internal narration on top of not-Jerry Lawler droning over the whole thing. I guess if you're into godawful Japanese boxing/wrestling shows, this director's done a number of them.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirdmaaaaaaaan!!!!

Classica Loid
http://www9.nhk.or.jp/anime/classica/
Studio: Sunrise
Genre: Shouting
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 8th (very early)

Show Premise:
'Wacky' characters are a music-themed school are named after classical musicians. They have nothing to do with the actual classical musicians.

Random Thoughts:
Supposedly there are magical powers and maybe robots too. It's painful just reading the website blurb, which advertises itself as having everything under the sun. The promos showed absolutely nothing of the sort. All they showed was shouting. Lots and lots and lots of shouting. I guess they do sort of play some remixes of classical music by the people they namedrop, but that's about as far as the lipservice towards that seems to go. I prefer the whimsical thematic light orchestra compositions of Leroy Anderson anyway.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Plink, Plank, Plunk.

Long Riders!
http://anime-longriders.com/
Studio: Actas
Genre: T&A
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 8th

Show Premise:
Remember that show about a club with girls who ride motorcycles? That, minus motors.

Random Thoughts:
I wouldn't say this staff has had their talent surgically removed, but that's merely because such a procedure doesn't exist. The promos consist entirely of the main character making faces, half 'comical' overreactions, half staring in awe at bicycles/friendship amidst tornados of cherry petals. It's as much about bicycles as it is about skintight clothing, and those things are still coming in a distant third place behind girls being friends, and girls trying their best. Actas does seem to have put more effort than they needed to into animating wind blowing their hair though. Way to stand out, guys. 

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Rocket ram rider

Bloodivores
http://bloodivores.com/
Studio: Creators in Pack
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 8th

Show Premise:
While trying to cure viral insomnia, people accidentally created vampires, then decided to kill all the vampires. They sucked at that too. Some half-vampire has to escape a vampire prison or something like that.

Random Thoughts:
Like last season's Outcast, this is another China/Japan collaboration. It's based on a Chinese web comic and the only promo I could track down was in Chinese. Rest assured that it had a panty shot though, so the important part got through. It was light on the action, and I'm not sure if the fish monsters that seemed to be the villains here were supposed to be vampires or the titular bloodivores. If not for the blurb, it wouldn't seem like it has anything to do with vampires at all, but I suppose "Fish Monsters That Are Sometimes the Size of Dogs But Also Sometimes Huge That Prisoners Shoot With Guns" isn't a very good title since it's not a light novel adaptation.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Bloodidoodles

March Comes In Like a Lion
http://3lion-anime.com/
Studio: Shaft
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 8th

Show Premise:
Some antisocial guy plays shogi. He knows some girls that are overly attached to him for no adequately explained reason.

Random Thoughts:
The main promo for this begins with a close-up of the protagonists eye before pulling back to show him on his back, looking backwards, so I really have to wonder if Shinbo even tries at all these days or if he's been dead for years and people are using a guidebook of instructions he's left behind. If there's nothing I love more than angsty teens being cheerleaded by a vomitatingly idealistic harem of enablement in a Shaft drama, it's angsty teens in a Shaft drama being cheerleaded by a vomitatingly idealistic harem of enablement melodramatically playing games I don't really understand.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

October comes in like a lizard copter

Occultic;Nine
http://occultic-nine.com/
Studio: A-1 Pictures
Genre: Comedy
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 8th

Show Premise:
Readers of a blog investigate spooky things.

Random Thoughts:
The original idea for this is from the same guy as Steins;Gate or Robotics;Notes, but let me stop you before we go any further, because I had to pause the promo 15 seconds in after it spent 15 seconds screaming at me, along with about 10 seconds of G-cup breasts attempting to separate themselves from their host creature and achieve orbit. Nobody can accuse the promo at least of not having energy, although violently spasmodic is probably a better description. Preferably to the dull gray non-direction of the other anime adaptations that clown's been involved with at any rate. Who knew the esteemed director of Lance n' Masques had it in him?

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Go, servbots!

Poco's Udon World
http://www.udonnokuni-anime.jp/
Studio: Lidenfilms
Genre: Comedy
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 8th

Show Premise:
Urban young adult goes to rural countryside and is forced to become caretaker to manic child-like creature who teaches him the value of something or other.

Random Thoughts:
What's the matter, Japan? Why all the weird shows through the decades about a jaded single man being forced to adopt a child who teaches him the joy of simple living? What is upsetting us so that we have such a longing for obnoxious children to be foisted on us without having to endure the sympathy eating of a natural pregnancy or the horrors of a relationship and sexual intercourse with a woman? Why do you keep making these? When is it going to be enough? How many more children are going to be orphaned, neglected, or have their mothers killed before enough is enough? At least get with the twentieth century and have a manic pixie child be raised by Hard Gay, Freddie Mercury, and Gackt.  

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Drink heavily, release the wolves, and let nature take its course

Gundam – Iron Blooded Orphans
http://g-tekketsu.com/
Studio: Sunrise
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 2nd

Show Premise:
Continuation season. Angsty teenagers pilot melodramatic robots to protect histrionic space princesses while fighting the evil adults taking exploiting them.

Random Thoughts:
Let us all give thanks that this exists and is keeping Mari Okada busy. She can focus all of her melodrama into Gundam, a franchise that already subsists entirely on adults/the world cruelly taking advantage of innocent teenagers. Thank you, Sunrise. You took this one for the team, and let her feel important. Now as soon as her back is turned, shove her in a box and ship her off to Abu Dhabi. 

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Communist toast

Show By Rock!!#
http://showbyrock-anime.com/
Studio: Bones
Genre: Merchandising
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 2nd

Show Premise:
Sequel series. A club/band of melodramatic twits believe in friendship and themselves, giving them the power to Carebear Stare CGI skeletons.

Random Thoughts:
I somehow finished the first season of this, but that was a mistake I'll not be making again. I was hoping it would continue being slightly manic and weird. Instead, I got episode after episode of them discussing their schedules and insipid power of friendship garbage about overcoming their insecurity from nonsense like someone maybe moving away maybe someday. Entire episodes on that horsepucky. The big triumph at the end was finding the strength of will to show up to the fight, whereupon someone else resolved everything. And this somehow got a second season, with additional random punctuation.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Even Yowane has too much pride for this

Magic-kyun Renaissance!
http://www.magic-kyun.jp/
Studio: Sunrise
Genre: Merchandising
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 2nd

Show Premise:
Sunrise wants in on some of that sweet, sweet boy-harem money.

Random Thoughts:
The gimmick is that each member of the boy-harem does some different form of art; sculpture, painting, dance, and yes, of course, singing. Supposedly there's magic too, but judging by the promos, the only 'magic' is being able to create sparklies and flowers when they 'art' all over the female protagonist's face. Which is the exact same as every other one of these, so all it adds is some explanation about how it's super really happening and not 100% in the head of a hormonal teenage girl. As far as boy-harem gimmicks go, that's weak. Not as weak as "all pop stars with slightly different personalities," but this is a subgenre that's had boy-countries, boy-trains, boy-gods, boy-deadly sins, and god only knows what else. Various flavors of artist is weak sauce, Sunrise, and how are you supposed to make a separate one for each individual type of art after this? You're blowing an entire field all at once.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
   
That's art.

Sword Dance – Flower Circle
http://touken-hanamaru.jp/
Studio: Dogakobo
Genre: Merchandising
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 2nd

Show Premise:
Pretty boys from the future fight people trying to change the past.

Random Thoughts:
This is based on a cell phone game, and merely the first of two adaptations of it, the second coming next year by ufoTable of all goddamned studios. And if the promos are anything to go by, by 'fight', they mean lounge around and make wacky faces at each other while wind blows. You know, approximately the opposite of fighting. Further reinforced by the staff being atrociously boring bores. Oh, and all the pretty boys are anthropomorphized swords. See that, Sunrise? Here's what an idiotic gimmick looks like. Get with it.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Mjolnir is my bishie

Idol Memories
http://idol-memories.com/
Studio: Seven Arcs
Genre: Merchandising
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 2nd

Show Premise:
Pop starlets go to pop starlet school to train to become the top pop starlet of the codified pop starlet league.

Random Thoughts:
This actually makes me slightly hopeful. Not for this show. Christ no. This looks like hot melted ass on a droopy stick. But because the promos show off some of those godawful CGI concert sequences that Seven Arcs kept jamming into Dog Days. With some luck, this is where Seven Arcs's CGi department will be putting their effort, leaving the Nanoha-spinoff-spinoff blissfully free of that schlock. It's not even to advertise some cell phone game or anything. It's just Yet More Idol Drek spontaneously spewed out from a vacuum.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Mr. Oogie Boogie has more rhythm than these twaddlecakes.

12 Years Old
http://www.shogakukan.co.jp/pr/12sai/
Studio: OLM Digital
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 3rd

Show Premise:
Sequel series. Pre-teens go through puberty. Are somehow probably the most mature characters of the entire season.

Random Thoughts:
I didn't detest the few episodes I watched of the first season, but like fanfiction pairing Maximilienn Robespierre with Louis XVI, pre-teens struggling with having crushes or buying tampons aren't exactly things I have a great deal of interest in sitting down to watch. It was still more mature than most anime, but the bar for that has fallen so low in recent years that it's more like a speed bump. I doubt much has changed from the first season. 

Preseason Swing Rating: 

The dancing hippo of period cramps

The Magic of Stella
http://magicofstella.com/
Studio: Silver Link
Genre: Nothing
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 3rd

Show Premise:
Girl joins school club.

Random Thoughts:
There is no magic here. They supposedly make computer games, so each has a niche to fill in the process, and each is totally wacky, but probably not actually wacky at all. Promos are insipid and consist mainly of the protagonist talking about how incredible the club's subject and the other club members are. Staff wouldn't know comedy nor creativity if it was shoved up their face holes with a sledgehammer. How long ago and far away its ancestral progenitors like Comic Party seem. Sure, they were still over idealized nonsense, but at least took some actual jabs at parts of the industry/practices instead of being a nonstop, insincere slobbering blowjob, trying desperately to sell themselves to the fandom by over idealized perfection where the only thing that could ever go wrong is not believing in yourself and/or your friends. Also, the porn.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Bugs in the code

TRICKSTER – Edogawa Ranpo Boy Detectives
http://trickster-project.com/anime/
Studio: Shin-ei Animation / TMS Animation
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 3rd

Show Premise:
There exists a boy detective club. They're more vigilantes than detectives.

Random Thoughts:
What is with all the Ranpo stuff lately? I know you're aware of other literary detectives, Japan. You had no problems turning them into incompetent little girls in Milky Holmes. Why do we keep coming back to Ranpo? Even if you don't want to go foreign, there's got to be a few others you can use, right? In case you were wondering what Gackt was up to instead of being a part of My Three Dads, he's here, with this weird nonsense featuring magic, large (but not giant) robots, and weird gizmos, which begs the question of why they're pulling in detective crap at all. Still, most of the promo is just pretty boys staring at the screen, so all that stuff is definitely not the main selling point.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Miss Marple's robot cat droid

Red-Hot Ping Pong Girl
http://syakunetsu.com/
Studio: Kinema Citrus
Genre: Comedy
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 3rd

Show Premise:
Girls play ping pong.

Random Thoughts:
If you remember from the long long ago, I still have a few warm feelings for Softenni, in large part because it had really absolutely nothing to do with the sport and was just a flimsy excuse to be aggressively bizarre. I bring this up because the promos are approximately the exact opposite of that. Okay, so at least they're focusing on ping pong instead of just girls smiling and staring in awe at each other, or flopping globular ping-pong breasts like the promo image at left. That might elevate the girls-in-a-club thing to actually being sort of about ping pong instead of mere lipservice. But how much of an improvement is that really? Especially if you're going to keep the excited screaming and not going to spend any money on the animation.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
*bzzt* *whirr*

Matoi the Sacred Slayer
http://www.matoi-anime.com/
Studio: White Fox
Genre: Nothing
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 4th

Show Premise:
Matoi doesn't want to be a magic girl. But Matoi becomes a magic girl.

Random Thoughts:
The actual translated title is a pun between "god garb" and… well, not quite "dumbass", but close enough for government work, which should give you a solid idea of the level of humor and actual focus. Because it's not on slaying. If the promos are anything to go by, the focus is "magic girls posing." This is completely original so there's not much to go on besides that. Staff's been around for a very long time and done a very large array of things, but mostly braindead T&A fanservice on the director's side, and with the preponderance there, not to mention White Fox being the low budget trashballs that they are, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

So walk away, you whiny moron

Natsume's Book of Friends
http://www.natsume-anime.jp/
Studio: Shuka
Genre: Nothing
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 4th

Show Premise:
Sequel series part a zillion. Boy and magical cat make friends with magical crap by listening to exposition.

Random Thoughts:
Same as the last bazillion neverending seasons of this, I'd imagine. Staff's the same. Shuka is a split from Brains Base, so studio hasn't really changed either. Have some nothing with long shots of the countryside and soothing elevator music. Be glad I put this much effort in instead of copying any of the last four 'random' thoughts I had about this neverending franchise. I'm just glad that there's no Ah! My Goddess to do this for year in and year out.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

One overweight horse

The Numbers
http://nanbaka.tv/
Studio: Satelight
Genre: Comedy
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 4th

Show Premise:
Boy band does comedy in a prison.

Random Thoughts:
Okay, so they're not technically a boy band, but come on. Look at them. Look at how the promos are covered in them panning for the camera while sparkles glisten and glimmer all around their faces. Laugh at the utter absence of anything even threatening to approach a joke, visual or otherwise. Or it could also be that the staff is made up of people who make things about pretty boys sparkling and don't seem to understand what comedy is. IT'S LOUD, RIGHT!? THAT MEANS IT'S FUNNY. Hell, one of the character's gimmicks is that he likes anime. I'm laughing uproariously already.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Don't drop the soap

Blort! Euphonium!
http://anime-eupho.com/
Studio: Kyoto Animation
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 5th (hour long premiere)

Show Premise:
Sequel series. Melodramatic girls are in a drama-filled band/club where being a teenager is just the deepest thing ever.

Random Thoughts:
The only thing I remember from the little I watched of the first season is that about 90% of the time was spent with a doe-eyed moron staring at the camera impassively. I heard from general chatter that it got melodramatic at some point because someone laid down a hard truth about not eventhing being sparkly unicorns and glitter… but then the girls tried their hardest, rediscovered friendship and the fulfillment of trying one's best, and everything returned to farting unicorns and sparkly friendship once again. Gee golly wow.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Fun fact: I own a double bell euphonium

Stray Dogs
http://bungo-stray-dogs.jp/
Studio: Bones
Genre: Nonsense
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 5th

Show Premise:
Sequel series. Melodramatic halfwits explain their vaguely literature-themed powers at great length.

Random Thoughts:
The first season was mainly talking heads and exaggerated reactions to nothing. Oh, and some pretty spectacularly horrible writing and direction. I especially liked the part where a split-second 'distraction' was a half minute long slapstick routine because they needed to fit in the reactions from every single character within a half mile radius to what was going on before someone could then announce "He's distracted!" and then go through their own 15 second long magic-casting sequence in order to summon a gun. I don't think it'll be getting an actual second chance.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Overexcited dog

Brave Witches
http://w-witch.jp/
Studio: Silver Link
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 5th

Show Premise:
Spinoff series to Strike Witches. Girls without pants mostly do friendship things, but ostensibly shoot guns at generic robots every now and then.

Random Thoughts:
New studio, but same key staff. Silver Link is undoubtedly a step up from Gonzo and sometimes AIC, but I'd venture to say that the production quality was never the issue with Strike Witches. If you're concerned that it might be taking a different direction and focusing on something like fighting the vague mostly off-screen non-menace, then don't worry. The promo is just a multi-national array of girls without pants smiling, pointing at the camera, and clutching their fists in determination. Every now and then, they're in the air as random lights glow around them while the camera zooms in and out of their crotches and asses. There's your action. Are you not entertained?

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Pants optional

Yuri!!! On ICE
http://yurionice.com/
Studio: MAPPA
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 5th

Show Premise:
Yuuri is an ice skater. Yuri is also an ice skater. Victor is an ice skater. They ice skate.

Random Thoughts:
Let's head this off. They're all guys. There are no lesbians to be found here. Or vaginas at all anywhere in the extended cast. No Blades of Glory have we here. Just pretty boys on ice, singing and dancing in silly costumes. I'm at a loss to tell you what's any different. That they have an excuse for how they magically drift around on the floor, dancing and twirling? They're still staring longingly into each other's eyes while the clear submissive bites his lip, unsure about whether he can really do his best.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Reports of lesbians are greatly exaggerated

Flip Flappers!
http://flipflappers.com/
Studio: Studio 3Hz
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 6th

Show Premise:
Magical girls seek pieces of a widget in a parallel dimension for granting wishes. This in no possible way could ever be a monkey's paw.

Random Thoughts:
This is an original work and there's little out there about the staff (or the studio for that matter since this is just their third show), so there's not a lot to go on but the blurb on the website and the promo's declaration of "let's flip flapping," whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. While it does show some talent for animation, it's mostly used on either "girls move really fast and leave shockwaves in their wake" or "girls air-surf on what appear to be sky-kayaks." There's still less of that as there are girls panning for the camera and rubbing themselves on each other in totally not-lesbian ways. There is a vaguely sinister-looking adult, and the two leads are Spunky and Insecure, so it's not hard to imagine how friendship will be the true magic against the cruel world of adults seeking to exploit them. Not sure how the sky-kayak fits into that though.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Is this a flip flapper?

Hip Whip Girl!!!!!!!!
http://keijollllllll.com/
Studio: Xebec
Genre: T&A
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 6th

Show Premise:
Girl joins a competition where you have to knock other girls off platforms using nothing but tits and ass.

Random Thoughts:
Oh, Xebec. Where would we be without you? There's a shocking amount of animation in this thing's promo. Which is to say there's pretty much any animation for a show where the entire premise is spinning in a circle to slam asses together. I don't even want to imagine the situation that leads to everyone's clothing exploding, but apparently it's also something that happens. The only question I have here is that the head writer is a main Xebec director who's never in charge of writing anything (well, adapting), while some newbie takes over the actual direction. What is this, an apprenticeship project?

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Blob girl vs blob girl

ALL OUT!!
http://allout-anime.com/
Studio: Madhouse / TMS Entertainment
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 6th

Show Premise:
Boys play rugby.

Random Thoughts:
In the 90 second promo, there's around 45 frames of people playing rugby. It's relatively easy to count because they're almost all stills. There's more animation put into the cherry blossoms falling to show the spring time of Japanese youth than there are frames of animation for actually playing the sport that the show is ostensibly based on. Par for the course for a Madhouse sports show at any rate. Don't bother animating something when nobody gives a monkey's ass about the animation of it anyway, not that this director knows how to actually construct an action scene anyway, lest we forget that awfulness that were the 'action' scenes of Parasyte, the only thing on his resume. Writer's all about those boys-bonding sports shows though. Can't wait for yet another one!

Preseason Swing Rating: 

The village of western people who care about rugby

Kiss Him, Not Me
http://www.tbs.co.jp/anime/watamote/
Studio: Brains Base
Genre: Comedy
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 6th

Show Premise:
Fujoshi stereotype loses weight, and becomes a boy-harem stereotype, but wants her stereotypical harem to be a yaoi stereotype instead.

Random Thoughts:
See? See how aware of our cliches we are? We're in on the joke! We totally get you! Now here's the exact same drek we're pretending to satire, replete with pastel backgrounds, sparklies, and mocking fat girls, because ugly people are just the worst, am I right? And the adaptation is being handled by that same master of parody about boy harems as who did the magical boy show last season along with Handa-kun. And Brains Base animating too. Good lord, is there anything this has going for it? They don't even have monocles.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

It's ironic!

Gi(a)rlish Number
http://www.tbs.co.jp/anime/gn/
Studio: Diomedea
Genre: Comedy
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 6th

Show Premise:
Girl becomes a voice actress in a world where that's the bestest thing ever.

Random Thoughts:
This is sort of based on a random smattering of novel/manga franchise crap started in April, but I don't feel like digging into it too much more than that. The only promo consisted of unanimated men in a bar talking about it, so at least we can't definitively accuse it of selling itself on the T&A, godawful recycled premise, or a slobbering blowjob to the voice acting industry… yet. That'll have to wait until approximately 15 seconds into the first episode, I imagine. This also has the creator/head writer of that terrible SNAFU show along with one of the contributors to Qualidea Code, so he really gets teenagers like me.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Killing you with my mind

The Great Passage
http://www.funewoamu.com/
Studio: ZEXCS
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 13th

Show Premise:
Antisocial guy is paired with social guy to edit a new edition of a dictionary.

Random Thoughts:
Wow. A dictionary. Hold onto your asses, boys and girls, because somebody's got to write a definition for the word 'love.' I am not kidding. Assuming it follows the source, which was already adapted into a live action movie, that is a thing that will happen. "What is love" is a thing for this, although I doubt they'll have enough awareness to play Haddaway to that bit. I got enough what is the true meaning of words from Aquarion Logos, thank you very much, and this probably won't have any murderously jealous ghost girls or astral orgasms. This is the noitmainA show for the season anyway, so I have one foot out the door before it even starts.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Baby don't hurt me

Drifters
http://www.nbcuni.co.jp/rondorobe/anime/drifters/
Studio: Hoods Entertainment
Genre: Action
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 7th

Show Premise:
Warriors from throughout history are forced to fight in a tournament for the Holy Grail.

Random Thoughts:
You know, Japan, "people moving quickly" isn't the same as constructing an action scene. For every sword slashed or bullet fired, there were at least four or five little bits of someone rushing forward in slow motion to ironically show how fast they were going. Or simply running. Or spinning a sword by showing a close-up of their hands. It's something in a medium dominated by so much less trying to pass off as action, but it's not much. Watch some Jackie Chan and get back to me. It's Hoods, so it looks like it came from the mid 90s. Same writer handling the adaptation as the ping-pong show, and so… so very many soulless light/visual adaptations that showed no awareness whatsoever for being in a different medium, but I'm sure manga to anime will work out much better than all those! Aside from all the ones of those he's adapted with zero effort as well.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

What a unique premise you have there.

Lostorage incited WIXOSS
http://lostorage-wixoss.com/
Studio: JC Staff
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 7th

Show Premise:
Spinoff series. Angsty teenagers play a monkey's paw card game, only to realize that their heart's true wish, friendship, was in their grasp all along.

Random Thoughts:
Same studio as the previous series, but brand new staff, so maybe Okada-brand existential teenage angst won't be the big bad in the end. This writer's mainly been doing shows for small children for the past few years though, so perhaps they're just fully transitioning it into a vehicle for shilling the associated card game. The promo's no less full of cherry petals and girls being besties before static kicks in, showing the terrors of the dark world, or whatever. It also looks like JC Staff has simply given up entirely on animating any part of it, which is probably one of the smarter decisions they've made in quite a while.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

What they need are new footie pajamas

Haikyuu!!
http://www.j-haikyu.com/anime/
Studio: Production IG
Genre: Drama
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres October 7th

Show Premise:
Sequel series to sequel series. Hokey boys play hokey volleyball. Games may last for weeks.

Random Thoughts:
Standard overly dramatic sports show where everybody is the master of some random niche relating to the show, and everything takes forty seven times as long as necessary to get through because they have to spend paragraphs on end describing everything that's going on. Yet another in the unplesaant morass of sports shows that have inflicted themselves upon this season. Was it the Olympics, Japan? Is that where all this came from? Why not just make a damn Olympics show then? Because you can't have a series of endless ongoing tournaments? You're already stretching out a year of highschool for most of these to entire decades worth of seasons. How long is it before we get a show about dressage or curling?

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Nope. I'm out. Seeya.