天下制覇

Always a fantastic reason for a character to do something.

Impressions:

Not much to talk about here again. At least this was a little more relevant than last chapter's especially long and especially pointless Ichigo crapola, although maybe the difference in length is made up of the very, VERY long sex scene that I pretty much held Ctrl through almost entirely. I'm… a little Japanese porn'ed out at the moment, and yet my todo pile still has more in it. I'm not even counting BB2's cavalcade of porn either. Yeah, there's a lot, but A.) what they count as porn contains no actual sex half the time, and B.) One of the things SHChara really has a gift for is making the scenes more about interaction between characters instead of the padded out, over-explained description of the physical mechanics that plagues this stuff otherwise, even when it's just random, nameless generics.

But I've complained about Japanese sex writing enough when there's also the whole "It's so sad to say goodbye" cliche that Japan is in love with. Granted, here almost had the "another world" excuse, but then it went and undermine it by going "Oh, I'll come back eventually, so what if it makes my mom mad." You could make the argument that it was some manner of putting on a brave front or lying to make them feel better, but this game really hasn't shown that kind of subtlety at any point, so I have a hard time buying that. And if it's what they were going for, it would've had a lot more impact if they had been telling that lie the whole time and saved the "it's for forever" part for the 'emotional' bits. Also, also, it was the exact same scene as I've seen probably forty seven times to date in various Japanese media. I'm sure it's largely cultural, but especially with Japan being a relatively small island, I just don't get their massive over-romantization for "leaving school/graduation means goodbye to everybody… forever." Western media's also a little slow to catch up to things like social media and owning phones being ways to keep in touch as well, but almost always when it pulls that card, it involves someone moving to some faraway college across the continent. It's a cliche that really helps show how badly media lags behind actual society.

Our Story Thus Far:

Chapter the seventh opens with a flashback to Kururu bringing her mother a flower from a forest she wasn't supposed to go into. Her mother tells her to not be so reckless, because everyone, including her, wants her to be queen someday. Cue cheery OP for the last time. We cut to fighting a magimon with Wet Towel and Kururu. Ironically one of the harder fights to date because we're so strapped for options. It was just Mike playing magimon though for training though. We head back to the club room where Karen's stuffing her face with donuts still. Apparently the magimon have stopped appearing. Love and peace has returned to the school. As have formatting errors. Lillian's disappeared too.

Kururu notices marigolds in the room, brought by Wet Towel from some other club. Apparently they grow in magic land too. They ask her about magic land. She describes it as fantasyland basically. Ringo fantasizes about Masaki tackling her in a meadow there and sexy times ensuing. Wet Towel imagines herself doing the "Loves Me, Loves Me Not" routine with flowers and losing. We imagine ourselves being a hero and having magical girls throw themselves at us. Karen calls us all idiots.

Apparently there aren't many witches left, but it's usually okay because magic heals evil hearts, and as Princess of Light, it's Kururu's job to 'heal' any witches that get out of line. The next day, class is rowdy because there's no teacher. Our useless previous one finally shows up and tells us Lillian quit for personal reasons. We have to explain to Blondie that everyone's kind of bummed that she's gone, and she starts getting depressed. CAN'T IMAGINE WHY. After school, in club time, grumpy teacher  (our new club advisor) delivers a letter Lillian left for us. She apologizes for leaving suddenly and gives everyone random backhanded helpful advice, so they all want to torch the letter.  She also left us some kind of keychain thingy. Kururu gets some kind of bright idea about making goodbyes less sad.

Cut to night, we made sidekick hide in the classroom for… some thing that I forgot and don't want to go back and check. He gets caught by grumpy teacher. Elsewhere, Blondie and Wet Towel are talking about how we didn't show up tonight. Blondie asks what a good present for someone is. Wet Towel, being an idiot, wonders who it could be for, and agrees to help.

In the morning, Blondie asks us if there's something we'd be happy to get. Wet Towel realizes her idiocy now, but is in too deep to back out. We tell Blondie we want something for a hero, although aren't sure ourselves what that means. We say love would be good too and are ignored. Also, apparently Sidekick was suspended for a week for his shenanigans. At night, the girls are discussing our hero present. They have the bright idea to give us a last boss, or a certificate of being a hero. Wet Towel shoots them down. They keep brainstorming while we're apparently eavesdropping at the door. Karen catches us. We make excuses and claim to be on patrol. She says we don't need to do that anymore. Blondie shouts that they've got it and Karen disappears while we're distracted.

Next day, the girls are in a good mood. Kururu's got band-aids all over her hands. Wet Towel says it's because they thumb wrestled too hard. Ringo immediately challenges her to a match to the death, whereupon she immediately and effortlessly dislocates Wet Towel's thumb. Come night, we're trespassing in the girl's dorm again under the pretenses of patrol. Wet Towel says Blondie needs a break and foists Ringo on us before slamming the door in our faces. We head out on patrol, but Ringo's disappointed that Karen's third wheeling it up.

Day the next, the girls are exhausted. When asked what it was, Wet Towel nearly blurts it out before Blondie starts hitting her and angrily says it was nothing. Ringo's suspicious. We postulate that maybe it's homesickness and how upset Ringo was when she moved here. We chat with Wet Towel while Blondie and Ringo argue, and agree that maybe there is some homesickness and that Kururu probably hasn't talked to her parents since coming here. We wonder if she should be going home because she's a princess and whatnot. Wet Towel suddenly has a revelation about the present. Meanwhile, Ringo won the battle.

Come night, yet again, Blondie's proud of her creation, but Wet Towel is mopey and distracted. She confronts Kururu about going home, and Kururu confirms it. She's leaving the day after tomorrow when the magic protecting the gate weakens. Wet Towel insists that it's weird for her to keep smiling and acting like nothing's happening. Blondie says she has to leave, and there are a lot of people waiting for her. She apologizes, but doesn't want to tell anybody else. We were eavesdropping at the door again though. We knock and tell them we're going out on patrol. As we do our last patrol, we reminisce about everything that happened, especially meeting her for the first time, how she turned the darkness into light, intoxicating smile, yada yada, so on and so forth, recap of every CG with her in it, but now in sepia. She's our heroine.

In the morning, we think to ourselves that she's going home tomorrow and what we can do. We decide to act like normal, so we go shouting into class, annoying Ringo. We announce our grand discovery on patrol last night, ten yen. We wait for Wet Towel to say something, but she's out of it. Everyone but Ringo is either mopey or excessively cheerful. Before club time, Wet Towel wants to talk to us about something. She asks if we know about Blondie going home. We tell her we can't make Kururu feel bad about it, so we have to act happy. Wet Towel is upset that we can just let her leave, but we tell her she has her responsibilities, world, and parents to go back to. Wet Towel gets oddly stuck on "parents" (FORESHADOWING!), and is then convinced. We run off. Wet Towel is sad and lonely about Kururu leaving, but admits to herself she feels relieved too and could be a terrible woman. Nobody's in the club room when we get there. Ringo barges in, upset, to tell us Kururu's going home. She wants to know how we can be so relaxed about our heroine leaving and how Kururu can go without saying anything. She breaks down in tears. We tell her that it's hard for all of us, but we're trying our best. Once she's gone, our job as hero will be over and we'll all go back to our regular lives. We can't stop her just because we want to be a hero. Ringo shows us the present Kururu gave her, a hand-sewn badge for the magic girl club. We tell Ringo to treasure it.

Up on the roof, Karen is talking to herself about how her mother gave her life and therefore, she'll do what her mother says. FORESHADOWING. Our spider sense tingles, so we go to where we met Kururu for the first time. She's waiting for us there. We give her some random food as a going away present. How romantic. She gives us a hero cape she made herself. We immediately put it on. She bursts into tears. We tell her not to cry and that we love her.

She says she loves us too and doesn't want to go. We kiss her, tell her we're lovers, and start sloppily making out. Go easy on the mouth sounds, Japan. We take her back to our room, strip both of us naked, jam our hero dick in her mouth, and give her a yogurt shower. She also gets a yogurt injection. This scene is ridiculously long, features like, 6 male orgasms alone, and I actually read maybe .5% of it. I'm a little tired of Japanese porn right now. In the afterglow, she admits her dream's come true too. She wanted to be a heroine, but there are no heroes in the witch world. So much for gender equality. She makes us promise to come to her rescue if she's ever sad or in trouble.

Skip to time to say goodbye, everyone's weepy. We get to keep our magic though. Blondie trusts us. Karen points out that Blondie will come back if the world's in danger again. Wet Towel wisely points out that wishing danger upon the world isn't very bright. Blondie promises she'll come back though, even if it makes her mom mad. Blondie explains she'll need a bunch of magic power from the peanut gallery to open the gate. They all magic it up and the fountain becomes a gate.

Blondie seems sad, but we remind her we'll come to her side whenever she needs us because she's our heroine and true love. She says goodbye and enters the light. All of a sudden, our spider sense tingles and tells us we can't let her go. We have some kind of premonition that she's walking into terrible danger. We rush towards the light. Ringo hurries after us and tries to stop us, but is swallowed into the light along with us. Wet Towel tries to come after us, but Karen grabs her and stops her. The gate closes with them on the other side.

Next Episode:

Off to magic land.