Thursday

Lupin III
http://lupin-new-season.jp/
Studio: Telecom Animation
Genre: Nostalgia
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 1st

Premise:
While visiting Italy, Lupin was bitten by a radioactive thief and now uses his powers to annoy the police.

Thoughts:
I guess I'll include this. This is that thing that's been around for half a year whose air date in Italy kept getting pushed back. In the end, it started airing a month ago, and has been airing ~4 episodes a week in two hour chunks. I glanced through the first episodes, and mostly remember the awful rap opening and the way Totally-Not-Another-Fujiko's lipstick kept creeping up the side of her face. And then they started swinging around like Spiderman on mile-long grappling hooks fired from their watches into thin air. At least the animation went from "obviously missing frames" to something more passable then. Even if I could channel my semester of Italian years ago into understanding it, I was fairly unimpressed. Maybe they'll fix up the animation so it's less godawful for most of it by the time it gets to Japan, but I kind of feel like I'm over Lupin after all the terrible outings in the last few years and this one's apparent new draw being to introduce a new character who's exactly the same as Fujiko, but blonde.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Fare la gatta morta.

Lance N' Masques
http://www.tbs.co.jp/anime/lance/
Studio: Gokumi
Genre: Horses
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 1st

Premise:
While growing up in modern times, Youtarou was bitten by a radioactive knight. Now, he uses his powers to be chivalric to women and mooch off of rich orphans.

Thoughts:
The first of so, so many light novels this season. Not a tremendously experienced staff. Director's only previous thing is Your Lie in April, and the last LN this writer adapted was Akikan. Gokumi's usually pretty far on the low end of production, although they can surprise sometimes. This doesn't appear to be one of those times. The promo is unimpressive and shows no knighting or lancing, just has Japanese women shrieking. It's not exactly what one would call putting the best foot forward. From all I gather, it's almost entirely faffing around and then the first main 'conflict' is that some foreigner tries to marry the girl who he's protecting. The six year old girl. I can already see why people call what it's based on amateurish through and through.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Guys, I think the lance is a metaphor for his dick.

Young Black Jack
http://www.tbs.co.jp/anime/ybj/
Studio: Tezuka Productions
Genre: Magical Doctors
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 1st

Premise:
While living in the 60s, Black Jack was bitten by a radioactive doctor. Now, he uses his power to perform unlicensed surgery.

Thoughts:
The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles to Indiana Jones, because why create your own characters when you can just borrow someone else's? Maybe if Japan didn't squander every opportunity to do something a little new or different with established franchises, I'd have a little faith, but THE ORIGINAL IS GOD'S WORD. Also, this is part of some kind of bizarre attempted Black Jack revival with multiple spinoffs. Well, and I have no real love for the original Black Jack series to begin with, but I guess this is meant to less rely on magical doctor powers (as these kinds of not-Jump things always do), and be more realistic. I'll believe it when I see it. House this ain't. Tezuka is godawful, Samurai Warriors being their last solo production, so there's a red flag immediately. But at least they got the esteemed director of those breakaway hits, Crystal Blaze and Ristorante Paradiso to direct it. I'll give you a minute to look them up if you've forgotten that they existed.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Is his arch nemesis White Queen?

Everything Becomes F
http://www.f-noitamina.com/
Studio: A-1 Pictures
Genre: Adult Things
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 8th

Premise:
While on vacation, Souhei is bitten by a radioactive detective. Now, he uses his powers to solve crimes.

Thoughts:
AKA The Perfect Insider, because it's about locked room mysteries, so… Insider. Not based on a light novel, but a full novel, which has, over the last two decades, become a manga, game, live action show, and now, an anime. It's noimtainA, it's Japanese 'mystery,' it's the Crowds writer adapting it, and the guy who got all of his wild oats out of his system directing Elfen Lied and has settled into directing abject crap ever since then (You and Me, Sound of the Sky). In three promos, the closest thing to animation it's shown is people standing in the wind. And a bunch of CGI shapes spinning about. I guess that's mysterious? But they're adults, so it must be a mature, adult show for adults like me. Yada yada, etc etc.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Ooooh, Escher. So deep!

Friday

Heavy Object
http://heavyobject.net/
Studio: JC Staff
Genre: Technobabble
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 2nd

Premise:
While in the middle of a war, Qwenthur is bitten by a radioactive wrench. Now, he uses his powers to be a mechanic for magical mech Objects, giant weaponized marbles.

Thoughts:
Glancing around, the source is apparently almost entirely made up of technobabble exposition, mostly about mech/gunwank, and the existence of girls is a lie. The real twist here seems to be that there are two male main characters. Shocking. JC Staff's been pretty weak on the production front since losing Silver Link, but this is their action director (Shana, Freezing, Daimao), and this head writer churned out HiME, Geass, and Guilty Crown, and then a whole whoooole bunch of drek because apparently he can't adapt for crap. Promos don't show much to excite unless you're really into weird CGI marbles bristling with guns, shooting at nothing at all, and girls vacuously staring at the screen like they're high on a kilo of valium. You'd think they could show something neat in the 3-4 minutes of PVs, but apparently snow and CGI is it.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
   
Apparently this is what an apex predator looks like..

Noragami
http://noragami-anime.net/
Studio: Bones
Genre: Angst
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 2nd

Premise:
While being terrible at crossing the street, Hiyori is bitten by a radioactive bus. Now, she uses her powers to help Yato, a homeless god, angst up the city.

Thoughts:
What I originally liked about the early episodes was the relative lightness of tone. Oh how that fell to the wayside for it to wallow in angst for half the season and then tack on an antagonist whose sole ambition in the world was to fight someone. It had problems its entire run finding any kind of direction or compelling reason for the characters to feel sorry for themselves. They were insecure until they got a hug. And sometimes a giant neon frog would show up in the last 60 seconds, apropos of nothing. That was all that was going on for bloody close to 9 straight episodes. One of them feeling sorry for himself and everyone else stood around and watched, or worse, explained how angst was literally magic poison while doing nothing to address it. And once that was done with, amnesia. Goddamned amnesia. It's the same core staff, so no reason to expect much is going to be changing.

Preseason Swing Rating:
 
The crystal ball says: More angst.

K – Return of Kings
http://k-project-come-back.jpn.com/
Studio: GoHands
Genre: Terrible Writing
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 2nd

Premise:
While wandering around, random people were bitten by a radioactive color wheel. They use their powers to fight.

Thoughts:
Remember when K was going to be a big new franchise? Well, it's up to 10 manga spinoffs and counting! The first season had style (well, filters) to spare, but the writing was a convoluted mess of amnesia, body swapping, and about 50 characters, most of whom existed for little reason other than to explain weird rules about the limits of power or how only person X can truly kill person Y because Z, in addition to flashbacks all over the place, explaining such things like "people care about their friend who was murdered." There were also just a metric tonne of characters and it was hard to understand how all but maybe three or four tied into the main plot. What seemed like it should've been background stuff basically took over and relegated the struggle with the evil magic body hopping weasel to almost a side note by the end. The budget also went in the tank and whole episodes devolved to shots of skylines and talking heads. Anywhosits, nobody new on staff, so gonna keep on truckin'. 

Preseason Swing Rating:
 
This is your brain on K's writing.

Fafner Exodus Whatever
http://fafner-exodus.jp/
Studio: Xebec
Genre: Technobabble
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 2nd

Premise:
While sitting on a post apocalyptic island, some little girl is bitten by a radioactive alien. Now she uses her powers to have things explained around her.

Thoughts:
This is the second half from what began in winter. I tried to get into the first half of this, I really did, but it was just laden down with technobabble, slow pacing, and characters who were all nigh indistinguishable from each other, none of them actually doing much of anything. There were aliens, and people who were part aliens, and aliens who were just hanging around, which may or may not have been the same as the aliens that wanted everyone dead, and everyone lived on a magic… I mean super sciency island. And, uh… there were some psychic kids? I don't really have a whole lot more to say about that.

Preseason Swing Rating:

What does Japan have against simple xenomorphs anyway?

Garo – Crimson Moon
http://garo-project.jp/ANIME2/
Studio: Mappa
Genre: Poor Writing
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 9th

Premise:
While being a samurai, Raikou was bitten by a radioactive moon vampire. Now, he uses his power to hunt spirits.

Thoughts:
I guess you could call this a quasi-reboot, although most of the Garo stuff is pretty separated from each other, which makes me wonder why they bother putting it all under the same umbrella. While the one last year was more western fantasy based, this is very firmly Japanese. Unfortunately, it looks like a pretty solid step down on the staff front from the last series, with Guin Saga's director and Chaos Dragon's writer. Mappa's playing it pretty close to the vest again with the promos, but it's pretty safe to say that it'll be probably more of the same, just without Randy Dad, who was kind of the only fun character in the whole thing before he too suffered to the Mappa writer's curse of sucktitude, and with all kinds of wacky Japanese hats. There's even an evil priest again who is darkness incarnate. At the very least, hopefully the monsters will suck less than last season's greatest hits "Guy Tied to Chair," "Large Gate," and "Immobile Octopus Stuck on Land." Then again, Japan mythology does have a monster with a butthole for its eyes. That… might be a step up actually.

Preseason Swing Rating:

95% chance of Amaterasu being a major antagonist.

The Testament of My New Overlord Sister
http://m-p.sakura.ne.jp/Html/anime.html
Studio: Production IMS
Genre: Tits
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 9th

Premise:
While sitting around at home, Toujou was bitten by a radioactive light novel. Now, he uses his powers to rub tits.

Thoughts:
Sequel series, and a revolutionary combination of the godawful LN cliches of incestuous sister character and overlord magical girlfriend. If you remember from how the first season began, it involved walking in on her pissing, being accused of being a rapist multiple times, and then she mounted him and rubbed her genitalia all over him. This was all in the first five minutes before getting to the premise where he has to grope her tits or she'll orgasm to death. Same staff, and I highly doubt that IMS has suddenly found either a production budget or any hidden talent in their pool, so I'm sure it'll be just as barely animated as before. Except for the bouncing tits, obviously. Budget where it's important, after all. 

Preseason Swing Rating:

Boobs!

Saturday

The Asterisk War
http://asterisk-war.com/
Studio: A-1 Pictures
Genre: Light Novel Generica
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 3rd

Premise:
While wandering around a post-apocalyptic magic school, Ayato was bitten by a radioactive magic girlfriend. Now, he uses his power to amass a harem.

Thoughts:
Or to use its title in Japanese, School Battle City Asterisk, which should make its origins and aspirations crystal clear. Stop me if you've heard this before. Guy with powers shows up to magic school for magic fighting teenagers who all have magic weapons summoned from their souls and fight in magic tournaments, conflicts with hot headed girl initially before teaming up with her, amasses a harem including but not limited to a member of the royal family and a childhood friend. Oh, and the protagonist passes out after every major battle from pushing himself past his limits so that he can wake up in the care of the newest member of the harem. That said, the PVs don't look half bad, specifically how they're entirely focused on the action and fighting instead of boob bounces or drifting shots of the sky. This is the directing team behind Horizon (and also all the Sakis, lest we get too excited), so they certainly know how to do action, but A-1's no Sunrise, and A-1 very much loves to put all their effort into the promos/start of shows. Maybe they can actually execute on the cliches instead of simply aping them. And maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt and make me pepperjack bacon burgers.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Mmmmm, delicious type 2 diabetes.

Cavalry of the Failed Knight
http://www.ittoshura.com/
Studio: Silver Link
Genre: Light Novel Generica
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 3rd

Premise:
While going to magic school, Ikki is bitten by a radioactive magic girl. Now, he uses his powers to enslave magic girls.

Thoughts:
Or to use its Engrish subtitle: A Tale of Worst One. Another LN adaptation cast right from the mold! At least Silver Link's non-terrible director is back at the helm, a welcome respite after all the other crap Silver Link's been crapping out lately… and is crapping out all over the rest of this season. Terrible writer though (Terraformars, Neptunia). Unlike the LN adaptation right above, this one is doing the "protagonist is the worst ever and heroine is the best ever… and they have to live together!?" thing, but rest assured, it also has the usual array of walking T&A; the sister who wants to screw him, the childhood friend, the princess, blah blah blah entire thing is about fighting in school sponsored things to be The Very Best, etc etc so on and so forth. Like Asterisk, the promo doesn't look too bad either, although it's clearly much more focused on fanservice, comedy, and the occasional boxy CGI monorail. What's the world coming to when bloody LN adaptations are putting out some of the more okayish looking promos of the season?

Preseason Swing Rating:
 
Cavalry ho!

Owarimonogatari
http://www.monogatari-series.com/
Studio: Shaft
Genre: Closeups of Eyes
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 3rd

Premise:
While at school, Araragi was bitten by a radioactive vampire. Now he uses his power to take close ups of his eyes.

Thoughts:
Sequel sequel sequel sequel series. Oh, is it finally ending? What a shame. It seems so long ago when I used to kind of like Shinbo… before he stopped experimenting with direction and started repeating the one or two things that seemed popular that one time. At least he's seemed to learn how to delegate the "copy what I did last time" job to another director finally, freeing him up to make more zooms of eyes. Anyway, I only made it as far as that godawful playground episode in the first season that was almost entirely unanimated and almost entirely the writers masturbating to how clever their dialogue was.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Eyes… on popsicles! OoooOooooOOOoooh!

Utawarerumono – The False Mask
http://utawarerumono.jp/
Studio: White Fox
Genre: Animal People
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 3rd

Premise:
Some random guy in fantasy land was bitten by a radioactive mask. Now, he uses his power to hit on animal girls.

Thoughts:
This is the tie-in to the oft-delayed Playstation game released on the 24th. Ew, White Fox. I guess they did a decent enough job on Tears to Tiara's production, the last Aquaplus game adaptation they were thrown, as boring and dull as that was. This director is prolific, but almost all bad, and has been especially godawful at anything that involves actual animation, Jormungand, Date a Live, and Majikoi being probably the most relevant/recent things. Writer's most recent thing… Absolute Duo, and absolutely nothing in the action/adventure world otherwise. It probably will have a heavy chunk of budget and RPG adaptations at least tend to self-enforce things like pacing and arcs, something I'm missing badly after the last couple seasons. I'm really trying here, guys. I look forward to being betrayed by having entire episodes about apple picking and tail petting. 

Preseason Swing Rating:
 
Play dumb if you want, Aquaplus, but I remember you made Megiddo.

Attack on Titan Junior High
http://kyojinchu.tv/
Studio: Production IG
Genre: Why?
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 3rd

Premise:
At school, Eren is bitten by a radioactive anatomical dummy. Now, he uses his powers to milk a franchise.

Thoughts:
This is not a thing that should exist. Maybe as just some kind of trashy half-assed flash thing, but any more effort than that is too much. One can only hope it lives up to the standards set by its great predecessor, Rock Lee and His Ninja Pals. At least they're not putting anybody with any kind of experience on it, and from the promos, it looks like they're just barely above flash animation level. Anyway, I was bored to tears by the original, so I'm not even in the camp that would excitedly clap their hands like harp seals just to see something they recognize. Go go shameless cash grab.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Why why why why why

Haikyuu
http://www.j-haikyu.com/anime/
Studio: Production IG
Genre: Sports Balls
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 3rd

Premise:
While at school, Shouyou was bitten by a radioactive grasshopper. Now, he uses his magical jumping powers to play volleyball.

Thoughts:
Sequel series to pretty much your standard sports show. I didn't make it past the first episode of the original series. At least it was somewhat animated, which is a rarity for sports shows, but suffered from all your usual problems. Everybody has ridiculously compartmentalized personalities and powers, and everything takes about six times longer than it needs to because people can't stop narrating and explaining everything happening in front of their faces and/or gasping in stunned shock constantly. Also all the ridiculous nicknames and how literally everybody in high school volleyball is known throughout the nation. Yeah, sports shows and I don't exactly get along.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Too many carbs! Abort! Abort!

Did You Order a Rabbit?
http://www.gochiusa.com/
Studio: White Fox
Genre: Empty Space
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 10th

Premise:
While lost, Cocoa was bitten by a radioactive waitress. Now she uses her powers to wait.

Thoughts:
The first season opened with a two minute montage of shots of city streets, and then murdered whatever slight humor it may have had by repeating every 'joke' a few times until nothing was left but some gritty paste on the ground. And most of the jokes were the standard 4-panel adaptation 'gag' of one of them going "That is something that is unusual!" That's not a goddamned punchline, Japan. Stop trying to use it as one. Same awful studio. Same staff… which is a real shame because this writer has done some solid comedies… and a lot of garbage. I guess this just goes into the garbage pile.

Preseason Swing Rating:  
  
Yes, I ordered a rabbit. Now eat it.

Seraph of the End
http://owarino-seraph.jp/
Studio: Wit
Genre: Jump
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 10th

Premise:
While existing in a post apocalyptic world, Yuu was bitten by a radioactive sword. Now he uses his powers to gaze longingly into his vampire BF's eyes.

Thoughts:
Continuation from the spring. No changes in staff or whatnot. I barely survived the first season thanks to the rest of the season being similarly weak. The characters were all angsty, uninteresting, and only interaction with each other was to yell about being friends, the budget nose dived after the first episode and long sequences were spent having characters simply stare at each other or into space, people kept having tragic flashbacks with only the most tenuous connection to present events, the plot moved with all the urgency of a dead elephant, and it kept trying to remake itself every few episodes. The writing was a total mess and it didn't have anywhere near the budget or ambition to provide the action and eyecandy that would let it at least coats over those rough patches. Now that it has competition, it'll take one hell of an opening episode to pull me back on board.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Why always vampires and zombies? When will it be skeletons' turn?

Valkyrie Drive
http://valkyriedrive.jp/anime/
Studio: Arms
Genre: Tits
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 10th

Premise:
While visiting a beach, Mamori is bitten by a radioactive lesbian. Now, she uses her powers to turn into a sword.

Thoughts:
This is one of those new multimedia blitzkriegs, featuring, but not limited to, this, a cell phone game, and a Vita game in a nakedly obvious attempt to make the Senran Kagura 'magic' strike again, but in a Western setup. The staff's been around a long time, most recently and relevantly together on Maken-ki 2, so trashy fanservice fighting does seem in both their and Arms's wheelhouse. That said, the promo doesn't look too bad, although since it's Arms, expectations are quite low to begin with and almost assuredly will not be met. It's focused a lot more on the action than the usual Arms affair and shows some rare Arms animation in between ripped panty hose, camera shots up the crotch, and orgasming girls. Still, for Arms, that's showing both restraint and displaying an understanding that people might like some context before clothing begins exploding off the female meat.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Yes, those legs go all the way up.

Sunday

Gundam – Iron-Blooded Orphans
http://g-tekketsu.com/
Studio: Sunrise
Genre: Large Mechanoids
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 4th (very early morning)

Premise:
While defending some Martian princess, Augus was bitten by a radioactive robot. Now, he uses his giant magic robot to protect war orphans.

Thoughts:
Where to even start? Okada, queen of terrible melodrama, in charge of the writing, and the director is the genius behind those timeless action epics, Railgun and Xenoglossia. Sunrise, did you lose a bet? Are you taking one for the team? It is Sunrise and Gundam, so the production will probably be fairly solid, but with that staff handling things on top of my usual aversion to Gundam-brand war drama, I'm wincing even before it's begun. Maybe someone will step in and tell Okada that everything can't secrelty (although not much of a secret after the 15th time) be powered by teenage suffering, if for no other reason than to not step on Wing's schtick. Then again, it has orphans already built in. Feed 'em to the meat grinder and let the sobbing begin!

Preseason Swing Rating:
 
Tasty, tasty orphan cassarole.

Comet Lucifer
http://comet-lucifer.jp/
Studio: 8-Bit
Genre: Not-Light Novel Generica
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 4th

Premise:
While living on a magical planet, Sougou is bitten by a radioactive magical girlfriend. Now, he uses his powers to ???.

Thoughts:
Despite the LN premise and the surplus of females rubbing themselves on the protagonist, this is an original creation with next to no promotional stuff, so even my usual scant 5-10 minute of research is coming up short. Director's kind of terrible (Infinite Stratos, Armored Angels), writer's little better (helped out with Lagrange and that's it). The two minute promo is almost entirely either "girl standing in wind" or "zoom in and make kaleidoscope effects," so I can only assume those are the main selling points of the show. Well, that and 8-Bit's usual penchant for terrible CGI vehicles and terrible harems. 

Preseason Swing Rating:

Magic girlfriends need way more magic.

Concrete Revolutio
http://concreterevolutio.com/
Studio: Bones
Genre: Glowsticks
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 4th

Premise:
While in a post-apocalyptic world, Jirou is bitten by a radioactive robot. Now, he pilots Super Machine X, a giant centaur robot, to fight crime.

Thoughts:
Another original series that makes a huge deal out of how it has super humans with all kinds of different origins and is a clustersplat of random stuff. Imagine if Marvel considered that a selling point? Come see Avengers 3! Some heroes are technological, some are from space, and some are magic! Wow! Unfortunately, from the promos, it looks like most, if not all, of the action is going to be of the "giant robots standing still and shooting beams that bounce off each other" variety, with shots of waitress cleavage to fill the rest of the time. Director's a vet with a lot of pretty well-received stuff under his belt (FMA's first version, Gundam 00, Slayers Next). Head writer, not so much (Chaos Dragon). It does have some visual style with its neon color scheme, but that in turn reminds me of Rolling Girls which was trying to sell itself on a similar wacky hodge podge of super powers, visual style, and ridiculous clothing, but ultimately amounted to jack and squat. Bones is a stronger studio than Wit, but I'd be a lot more confident if the promos showed a bit more action and a lot less standing around.

Preseason Swing Rating:
 
It's supposed to be ironic.

One Punch Man
http://onepunchman-anime.net/
Studio: Madhouse
Genre: Jump
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 4th

Premise:
While looking for a job, Saitama was bitten by a radioactive boxing glove. Now, he defeats all his enemies in one punch.

Thoughts:
Space Dandy's director, newbie writer. I'm not entirely sure what to make of this based on the promos since they seem to be amping up the action a lot more and the 'comedy' a lot less judging from the little bit of the source I browsed. This seems to be one of the things Madhouse is putting some effort into and the promos look solid enough for the most part. Then again since it's Jump, it's probably a safe bet that the promos probably covered most of the action parts from across the first 10 episodes. As supposedly a wacky comedy, it's hideous with the main jokes repeated ad nauseam being "Winning in one punch… is boring…" and "You look bland… but are super powerful!?" So jettisoning that business and trying to just make an action series seems like a better idea, anticlimax to every fight aside. Maybe they'll take the Superman route and threaten some things other than global annihilation and/or focus on the antagonists as characters instead of throwaway jokes from time to time to get around the invincible overpowered protagonist. But that'd require deviation from the source and see the previous comment about buttmonkey pepperjack.  

Preseason Swing Rating:
 
But is he a match for Batman?

Monday

High School Star Musical
http://hstar-mu.com/
Studio: C-Station
Genre: Backstreet Boys
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 5th

Premise:
While going to fine arts school, Yuuta is bitten by a radioactive soprano. Now, he uses his power to bring all the boys to to his yard.

Thoughts:
Oh good, a male idol show, one of two this season… but no female idol shows!? What is this madness? Even besides being Yet More Goddamned Pop Star Dreck, terrible studio (Dragonar only solo thing so far), terrible director (Dragonar, Kuroko's Balls), nobody writer. Oh, and the promos are ads for the CDs with just shots of their faces, half the time with the standard pastel background sparkles. Flee. Flee now. Flee now and never look back.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Don't flash the Backstreet gang sign unless you're ready to throw down.

Osomatsu-san
http://osomatsusan.com/
Studio: Pierrot
Genre: Shouting
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 5th

Premise:
While existing, Osomatsu was bitten by a radioactive sextuplet. Now, he and his brothers use their powers to shout a lot.

Thoughts:
This is meant as a sequel to an ancient (as in the 1960s) series, except with the kids aged to 'adults.' From the promos, this is deliberately trying to invoke the same lowish budget 'screwball' mood of short anime, except in a full series. That's probably a good idea for Pierrot since they tend to be on the weaker side of production. I can sometimes watch those for a few minutes, but a few minutes is about as much as I can stand before it starts getting annoying, and I really don't think that'll work well with a full twenty minutes of it. Gintama's director, so at least he has some experience with comedy, although by comedy, I mostly mean shouting, which is what the promos were full of. Well, at least they're taking an established franchise and doing their own thing with it. That's at least something to be lauded in this medium full of half-assed soulless adaptations, I suppose, even if it mostly turns out like Gatchaman and Yatterman.

Preseason Swing Rating:

It's weird how there's never been a Godzilla anime.

Yuruyuri
http://yuruyuri.com/3hai/
Studio: Tyo Animation
Genre: Empty Space
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 5th

Premise:
While going to school, some ghost is bitten by a radioactive lesbian. Now, she uses her powers to not exist.

Thoughts:
This has the same staff as the recent OVAs, which is different from the first two seasons, and it shows. They were pretty awful and almost entirely devoid of any kind of jokes. It'd seem that Dogakobo got out when the getting was… mediocre, and this is just limping onward, wringing out the last few drops of blood from the stone with a completely different studio and staff until it dies a miserable death. I was never even greatly fond of it in the first place, but it's completed its descent into just something to fill up a little broadcast time without any ambition towards the characters or humor at all. It has girls, they're in a club-like entity, pay us please.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough.

Tuesday

Aria the Scarlet Ammo AA
http://ariaaa.tv/
Studio: Dogakobo
Genre: No No No No No
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 6th

Premise:
While going to fighty school, Akari is bitten by a radioactive intern. Now, she uses her powers to shadow some obnoxious character from a terrible franchise.

Thoughts:
As Railgun was to Index, so is kind of this to Aria, an animated adaptation of a manga spinoff of a light novel focused on a (fabricated) side character who exists primarily to reassure the audience how unbelievable awesome the pre-existing characters totally are. The original series was terrible. I still remember how the last boss's secret weak spot was shooting it in the face, and that took an entire discussion and super powers before anybody thought to themselves "would head shots work?". That's… actually pretty much all that I remember of it. I think it was airing between two things I actually was watching, and I ended up just grabbing random terrible clips half the time instead of making real posts. And it's a knockoff of that, so you know it's gotta be great. Granted, it's a different studio and staff from the awful original series, but Dogakobo's not exactly a great step up from JC Staff. The writer gives a little more hope, being KyoAni's old Key adapting guy, but he's been pretty hapless with weaker material/production studios (Mikakunin, Golden Time, Kokoro Connect). The promo mostly advertises girls walking to class, girls standing in wind, and girls talking, so hold onto your hats, because this is going to be balls to the wall action obviously.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Ugggggggghhhh.

Wednesday

I Was Abducted By An Elite Girl's School to be a Sample Commoner
http://syominsample-anime.jp/
Studio: Silver Link
Genre: God Why?
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 7th

Premise:
While wander around, Kirito was bitten by a radioactive commoner. Now, he uses his powers to pretend to be a commoner at a school for rich, naive girls.

Thoughts:
Oh, here's Silver Link's awful Prisma Illya guy. At least they kicked off the writer and brought on the one from… Rock Lee and His Ninja Pals and Servant x Service. Well sign me the hell up. And of course it's another goddamned light novel. The gimmick is that all the girls are extremely naive. So, really, the exact same as every single other "boy enters girls' school" thing out there, right down to them starting a club, childhood friends with amnesia, one of them's a voice actress yada yada yada this song and dance is nothing new. The promo consists of mist and the main girl mounting him and trying to steal his tonsils with her tongue, so clearly comedy, character development, and content aren't exactly the aim here.  

Preseason Swing Rating:

They think he's gay… but he's not! *laugh track*

Dance With Devils
http://dwd-anime.com/
Studio: Brain's Base
Genre: Backstreet Boys
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 7th

Premise:
While going to school, Ritsuka was bitten by a radioactive Backstreet Boy. Now, she must fend off a pack of demonic dancing rapists.

Thoughts:
Oh good, another pop idol show, this kind being one of the ones with a single female beset upon on all sides by non-monocled magical bishies. And like the other one this season, its promos are largely unanimated (I'd expect no less from Brain's Base) and advertise the CDs they'll be releasing. It really seems like there are cheaper and better ways to pitch schlock than this. It's the Blue Spring Ride team, back from that roaring success to shill boy band CDs. At least this writer is well-versed in boy band crap and sure knows how to write a story with no plot, no substance, and no content. Can't wait!

Preseason Swing Rating:

Ready the fur guard, it's going to get hairy in that burrow.

A Corpse is Buried Beneath Sakurako's Feet
http://sakurakosan.jp/
Studio: Troyca
Genre: Fox Lawsuit Brewing
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 7th

Premise:
While playing with bones, Sakurako is bitten by a radioactive Emily Deschanel. Now, she uses her powers to solve bones-related mysteries.

Thoughts:
The eleven billionth LN adaptation of the season. This premise reminds me of something, but I can't quite think of what… If you thought that the writing behind Lesbian Bear Storm and Penguindrum was great, but it was being held by the direction, then good news! Because guess who's in charge of adapting this with Random Schmuck directing it instead of Ikuhara. From the promotional material, the entire thing is going to be covered in a damn tornado of cherry petals, and I hope you like looking at scenery porn and skeletons, because that it's apparently got. Not so much any other kind of animation. I guess Aldnoah must've wiped Troyca's talent out. I see little here that would rise even to the level of a Law and Order mystery, let alone hope to compete with any of the billion western procedurals. I'll stick with iZombie if I feel a hankering for undead and mysteries. That way, I at least get some wit and stabbings instead of an endless shower of petals.

Preseason Swing Rating:

At last, we'll find out who killed Bowser.

Anti-Magic Academy – The 35 Test Platoon
http://35shoutai.jp/
Studio: Silver Link
Genre: Light Novel Generica
Staff/Cast Information
Premieres Oct 7th

Premise:
While going to muggle school, Takeru was bitten by a radioactive sword. Now, he uses his power to hunt evil witches.

Thoughts:
Silver Link's seventy-fifth show, and the nine trillionth LN adaptation of the season, this one seeking to fill the niche of "we're the worst team/class, but we have an elite member and are all probably secretly elite in our own ways too," which I think means that we have every single major terrible LN cliche premise covered. And what joy, it's the Rock Lee and Pals writer again. Actually, it's the Binbougami team, if anybody remembers that affair. Of all the magic school fighting action LN adaptations this season, the promos here are easily the worst of the lot. You've mastered the camera shot of looking down the barrel of a gun. That's great, guys. Is that all you're bringing to the table? Your gimmick is that the protagonist uses a sword instead of a gun because… shut up, okay!? I mean for extra kool points, but sure, let's see a shot of one of ther females in a bunny suit, bent over a table, her ass covering up half the camera. Oh wait, it's a magic sword who's actually a magic little girl who wants his dick. That does makes it super kool, and what a creative new twist at that.

Preseason Swing Rating:

Guns are no match for sharp sticks anyway.