That’s Why I Can’t Have Sex #13 — Swimsuits? Who Needs Swimsuits?

March 31st, 2013


It’s not like it’s a bonus episode for a fanservice show or anything. Why both putting any in?

You know what, why the hell not? Besides, I opened to Lis ‘roaring’ and that was already more… amusing… than 95% of Gargantia.


After an hour of nothing in Gargantia, it’s almost a relief to turn off the brain completely and be able to simply summarize something in order to cover nearly every scope of its badness. Aaah, pure unadulated garbage that cannot even understand how to titillate effectively. It’s kind of liberating.

So let’s see here. Ilya decided there’d be a bathing suit contest for all the main characters, so of course, instead of jumping right into it like a normal fanservicey bonus episode would, there needed to be at least a third of the episode spent faffing over it. It wasn’t until about 8 minutes in before the first swimsuit even appeared. It was then followed by a montage of microbikinis, but we wouldn’t want to overdose on swimsuits, so then it was a montage of Lis trying to make sexy poses, including, but not limited to the dog mounting her at one point. Actually, the way they kept cutting to the dog staring at her naked and/or on her hands and knees flashing her crotch at it was… uh… disturbing.

We also wouldn’t want to oversell the actual swimsuit contest too much, so Q just showed up and then wandered off again without doing anything. Mina didn’t show up at all, prompting an emotional aside. By the time they remember that it’s a fanservice episode, they’re only seconds away from Lis grabbing the neo-centaur and leaping into the pool, nearly drowning him and prompting another critical and tension filled decision brought on by… her throwing him into the pool. Her swimsuit now off, Ilya declares her victory, begins hopping around, dislodges her breasts, and flees in defeat.

Thank you, and good night.

Posted in No Sex | 5 Comments »

5 Shouts From the Peanut Gallery

  • algorithm says:

    That dog is the only redeeming feature in this show.

    • Yue says:

      BAD DOG!! Sit! Stay! Roll over! Lick them puppies..

      Oh, they forgot to censor the guy’s nakedness with an X-axis beam of light. ^^;

  • OverMaster says:

    Male naked butts don’t get the censorship treatment as often as female ones. I’m guessing most Japanese censors are actually women.

  • zzzz says:

    implants ??

  • jingoi says:

    Quele still doesn’t get a full nude scene
    (and no, that pic at the end of ep 12 doesn’t count, her oppai are enhanced in that pic)