天下制覇

 

You have got to be kidding me.

Impressions:

Talk about an episode built around a triviality with the most painful and predictable punchline at the end. Good lord, the 20 second little mini-episode about Mayu trying to hide her giant chest was more entertaining and original than the rest of the episode. Even the attempts at sexually charged moaning were done more awkwardly than anything else. It’s one thing to have a girl rub up against some random object/person (see: Dokuro). It’s another entirely to have them just flail wildly at the air, giggling like imbeciles while showing glistening lips and moist bodies. Bah. I’m still somewhat aghast that they spent an entire episode on “Ryoko wants ramen.” Which writer thought this was a good idea? It isn’t even like the apron-swimsuit combination is even remotely titillating either. We’ve seen it in the interstitial at the start of the show since day one, better drawn there too. If anybody ever asks you for an example of space filler, just point them towards this episode. Sheesh.

The “No Giant Boobs” celebration continues. Mayu lurks in the shadows and decides to take drastic measures. She tapes down her breasts, but the bandages strain… and then her chest bursts forth. She collapses in tears.

Ryoko sips ‘champaign’ under an umbrella with chic shades on. I’m being generous. Her stomach grumbles and she yells out to Ninomiya to bring her ramen.

He wanders inside and stumbles upon Mayu who has her own ramen that she’s eating. Mayu offers it to him, but he tells her that Ryoko is pretty picky. He wonders where she got it from though, as they don’t usually have ramen. In the storage area, boxes and boxes of Hojo ramen are stacked up.

Mayu suggests ordering ramen, but Ninomiya shoots that down too. They keep brainstorming on what ramen to make to please her. Cup ramen is probably out. Ryoko yells in to hurry his ass up, while polishing her gun threateningly.

They head to the fridge and inspect the available contents. Ninomiya pulls out all sorts of things and thinks about his battle plan. He finds the endless boxes of Hojo noodles and wonders why Reika brought them.

Mayu meanwhile, has somehow mastered the use of a mouse and the internet. I’m as shocked as anybody. Anyway, she’s found a nice recipe for ramen. Ninomiya takes over navigation by reaching across her, complete with shoving his elbow into her cleavage. He doesn’t notice at all somehow.

Recipe in hand, they head to cooking. Mayu sucks at it, but she’s just slow this time, not a walking disaster. Ryoko yells at them again, asking how long she’s going going to have to wait while loading yet another gun. Ninomiya wonders how he’s supposed to make something like this so quickly and wishes Reika was here to help.

Mayu returns to the computer and brings up that there’s more to ramen than just the noodles. The finest ingredients of all the land also contribute. Ninomiya leaves Mayu to continue working on their ramen-noodles-in-progress while he heads off to fetch all the other things that they need.

Ryoko loads yet another gun. 

Mayu struggles over the hot concoction, stirring and becoming more and more light headed. She decides that she needs help, and makes a call.

Ninomiya arrives at his first stop… a farm where apparently Mikihiko works. Mikihiko is proud of his crop and Ninomiya starts inspecting them for the best of the best.

Back at the household, Ayasaka has taken over the stirring duties, though she’s sweating like a horse as well. She decides to strip down to her bra, but Mayu stops her. Screw you, Mayu.

She compromises by switching to an apron over a swimsuit. That’s nowhere near as good. Ayasaka then takes the opportunity and forces Mayu into the same getup.

Ninomiya arrives at his second location. Mikihiko is also working there. He introduces Ninomiya to his ‘prey’, a giant pissed off boar. Ninomiya tries to wave it off, but the boar attacks and Ninomiya decides to take it down.

Okushiro is walking up to the mansion to drop in on “Shungo-han.” She makes it into the mansion unmolested, and yes, I am aware of my word choice, but nobody is around. She hears yelling though and finds Ayasaka sitting on top of a naked Mayu. The two look up and see her. Ayasaka grabs her before she can leave and pulls her in to join the fun.

Ninomiya makes it to the wharf for his fish. Mikihiko is there too. He takes Ninomiya out in a little boat to fish for himself. Ninomiya soon has a massive catch.

Shinobu wanders the mansion and looks out on Ryoko relaxing. She thinks that’s acceptable behavior for the lord of a mansion, though clearly not as wonderful as the hardworking Reika. She hears the girls giggling and walks in on them stirring the pot. They turn around with menacing glares and attack. Shinobu’s clothes go flying.

Ninomiya comes running back towards the mansion with a giant and full backpack while the shoddy Japanese knock-off of Gonna Fly Now plays.

The girls keep stirring while moaning and lamenting their fate. They’re clearly trying for some sexual jokes here, but between Mayu’s fevered laughs and everybody’s awkward movements, I think the only one that would be getting any pleasure would be the ladle.

Ninomiya runs into the kitchen and beholds the backsides of them all. They’re all light headed and feverish by this point. Ninomiya announces the final part is here. He starts working like a madman, cutting and preparing ingredients.

Ryoko wakes up from her nap, smelling something. Reika also approaches the house with a smile.

Inside, the master ramen is finally finished. Ninomiya proudly carries it to Ryoko with his girls in tow. Ryoko meanwhile is eating Reika’s cup ramen, seemingly pleased with it.

Ryoko compliments Reika for it, and Reika asks if she’s ever even had cup ramen before. The answer would be… of course not. She finishes and thanks Reika for her good work.

She finally notices Ninomiya and the girls holding their gourmet ramen. She apologizes and tells them that she’s full already. Reika brags to them about the quality of her instant ramen while they fume silently. She keeps going on, clearly not sensing the tone. The slighted ramen folks walk forward and then in chorus all yell “Hojo-senpai no baka!” That was truly… cliche and terrible

Later, the ramen crew all eat their respective ramen. Reika is confined to her room to eat her cup ramen.