天下制覇

Kotoura’s taking an obnoxiously long time to pop up and is completely ruining my rhythm, so I ripped these for the interested. I am not one of the interested. Never let it be said I did nothing for you.

It’s not the astral journey into space with a body made of lasers that makes me laugh. That’s actually somehow quite mundane. Normally the lasers would be shooting off them like she was a planetarium projector. Just set that to Kenny Loggins and save yourself a trip to museum. No, it’s not that. It’s the sidekick, furiously pawing at the air, trying to grab invisible boob energy floating off of Chesty. Now that’s what more like it. Apparently there’s a real twist too. The final boss… is a man. How do you defeat an opponent… whose breasts you cannot steal!?

Now I feel bad about making fun of the show yesterday because this was worth the wait. Okay, of course it wasn’t, but I feel like it may be a long time before I see a fat little samurai in a hoodie go on a murderous rampage while screaming about boobs the entire time again. Perhaps one of the Higurashi specials might pull that off. Plus, I think that may be the best animated part of the show so far, which just raises strange and unholy questions about what the animators are prioritizing and why.

So, if I understood this episode from flipping through it… Chifusa’s breasts got so big that should couldn’t walk, so had to go to some kind of breast monk for training who put her through all manners of breast exercises on a giant breast shaped mountain. Then Chifusa’s sister showed up in pads, and Chifusa offered to let her breasts get cut, but her sister refused because they were too beautiful. Then the two finished building a giant breast mound which erupted in uh… liquid. I don’t even need to add any wit. I don’t think I can. Although, ridiculousness aside, that’s actually kind of tame for this show, almost like one of those awful Slayers filler episodes, only with breasts instead of balls or squid.

Apparently it has gotten so bad that they now need to censor the sound too. I have to admit that this isn’t as much fun as… say… Rio was though. The show needs to step it back up to the ‘hypnotic’ whip-breast level. This is just… plainly disturbing. The only thing here I could think of anyway was a certain scene from Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex*. Coincidentally, that scene also ended with a giant breast roaming the landscape. Perhaps we are not so different from Japan after all. Or just Woody Allen isn’t…

How sad is it that a giant octopus tentacling people is a step in the direction of better taste? I had to actually search around for lasers this week too. What is the world coming to? Although I am impressed that this octopus was smart enough to use a hostage. …And that this girl is somehow able to swim around at ease with an anchor tied to her leg. Those floatation devices strapped to her chest must be buoyant as hell to cancel that weight out.

This makes even less sense than Rio, and I’m not willing to rewind the two minutes to watch the explanation… and I’m assuming that there is one, which is no way a safe thing to do. I just flip through until I see lasers covering the screen and stop to try to make sense of it. What I understand from this is that they’re put onto mobile wooden stripper poles, then shaken vigorously. How one wins normally or this is an actual game/competition though… well… Rio’s laser sharks made more sense.

I… I don’t even want to know. I just flipped through and saw… that. I’m not even sure what to say. I’m not even sure what that was. Only that it’s terrifying.

Now that’s fanservice.

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