天下制覇

   

My patience with this is running especially thin lately, Japan.

I need to go pick up a freshly de-ovaried dog, who is probably loopy and grumpy on painkillers, so Pleiades won’t be up for probably at least an hour or so. I know everyone’s waiting with bated breath. Spoiler: The only thing that happens is she transforms. You can likely guess the general thrust of the post from there.

Impressions:

Stop me if this sounds familiar. Socially awkward character who never shuts up with the internal narration and also happens to be Jesus makes a bunch of stupid faces meets opposite sex of their dreams, who is also Jesus. Their meeting is a veritable nuclear eruption of pastel, cherry petals, and bloom. Opposite sex Jesus sees past the outside and treats them as a regular person, causing another nuclear eruption. Initial sexed Jesus makes more stupid faces.

Yeah, it’s this old song and dance again; the Reaching You rumba, the My Little Monster mambo, the President is a Maid polka, the Lovely Complex lambada. They just switched some genders around and kept right on with the exact same go nowhere, do nothing, pad this crap out to infinity and beyond, blatant Jesus protagonist if only everyone could see past first impressions why don’t people understand the real meeeeeeee, while acting like it’s the greatest love story ever told, irritating me more and more, the more words about it I have to write. With all your favorites. Blaring music boxes to indicate an emotional scene. Stupid faces to denote that a joke has been made. Blinding glare to indicate an emotional scene. Copy/paste splash backgrounds to indicate that a joke has been made. Blinding pastels to indicate an emotional scene. Blaring auditory stings to indicate that a joke has been made. Blinding cherry petals to indicate an emotional scene. What more could anybody possibly want?

Well, since you ask, characters. He’s big and doofy. Is that the only joke you have? “I did something normal, but people misunderstood/ignored it and I made a stupid face!” Because it was wearing thin about two minutes in and yet there were still 18 more to go. Even moreso when you then went and explained “This did not work out as I planned!” I also take very poorly to particularly hamfisted attempts to manipulate my emotions when the big supposed heartwarming moment was yet another goddamned victory over minor teenage insecurity. What’s more, remove the 30 seconds with the molester, and all the supposed protagonist did the entire 20 minutes was stand around and make stupid faces. That’s even blood less than overcoming insecurity. I’m not exactly feeling like you deserve the grand victory musicbox tune and lens flare, guy.