天下制覇

I don’t think I could even write out the full title and still have room for a witty rejoinder.

New Season Disclaimer:

I’ll make a post for almost all new series (barring sequels) with a wrap-up and bullet point opinion of each once the premier week is over. Remember that these are just my kneejerk reactions to the first 20 minutes of shows, many of which in genres that I don’t even particularly like, but I do believe in giving every new series at least an episode to at least try and hook me.

Impressions:

I attempted to watch the OVAs a couple months back when this was first set in stone. It didn’t go well. That leads us into problem numero uno. This episode was almost a direct scene for scene copy and paste of the first half or so of the first OVA. Oh sure… they added a few lines here and there, and instead of dresses down to the knees, all the girls are now in skirts the flap up so high in the wind that its doubtful they even have waists, just legs that connect to their chests. The bigger problem, however, is that the OVAs are a mess of bad writing and overdramatic nonsense. 12 year olds pining about marriage, finding their place in the world, and giving speeches more fitting for a Shakespearean solliloquay to describe why they skipped 5th period gym. Alongside this is the poorly thought out technobabble of Munto’s magical world.

I’m not even certain what to say about the production values either. It seriously looks like they just took the OVA footage and moved things around. There are a few lines that I’m 99.9% certain were not in the OVA, but that’s maybe 5% of the episode max. It’s not even that old of an OVA, but it wasn’t impressive even back in 2003. While the animation is certainly above average, the art often approaches hideous. The whole thing looks like it’s trying to be mistaken for a mid 90s show, which means that the colors are washed out and the sharpness has been set down to minimum. I guess if you haven’t seen the OVAs yet, then it’ll at least be new to you, but you still won’t be impressed by the visuals at all.

So overall, BLECH. BLECH. I detested the OVAs as pretentious drivel, and the only thing that they changed, literally, were the hemlines. I’d hesitate to even call this a remake so much as a rebroadcast, or maybe even director’s cut so far. Maybe if they churn through the first two OVAs quickly enough, they can make some new story (and some new art) that doesn’t suck, but that won’t be for another 5-6 episodes minimum. KyoAni doesn’t even have its vaunted production values here, so it’s just a bunch of nonsensical overblown garbage attached to "girls standing in the wind" titillation and boys in leotards. There are definitely better ways to spend your time. Like… crocheting. Even if you did like the old OVAs, there’s not much to like here since so far… you’re just getting 99.9% of the exact same thing. Well done, KyoAni. This is a new low for laziness.

Opening Sequence

Preview:

No, kid. You are 13. You are not going to monologue about destiny and the pathos of humanity.