天下制覇

Those eyes must be painful.

The first episode here is an hour and a half long. Apparently with minimal commercial breaks too, so it clocks in at a whopping 82 minutes, or approximately the length of four episodes.

Impressions:

Which is to say that after sitting through about 25 straight minutes of "idols are just the greatest!" there still another goddamned hour to go before she gets shanked and the story actually starts. And these were not 25 minutes that had a current of danger or forboding running through them. One girl was introduced, kicked the bucket, and then they immediately forgot her and is definitely not the other reincarnated kid. And the dude was briefly stabbed, which was its way of forcing a Look Who's Talking scenario, or for the younger crowd, a Boss Baby. Which is also something that they never stop reminding the audience. Every goddamned 30 seconds, they have to re-explain that the two are reincarnees. And because they're reincarnees, they're adults in infant bodies. And because they're adults in infant bodies, that means doing infant things is awkwaaaaard!

And that's where it remained for the next ten minutes, and from glancing through the rest of this behemoth, for the next 56 minutes. Two reincarnated talking children doing puerile boob jokes in between spewing idol worship. Yes, there are some creepy people and idols work too hard, but working too hard is what makes them even more perfect and splendiferous! Even if it turns into the most compelling mystery thriller of the ages (the manga doesn't), that is a spiked pill the size of a pineapple I'm being asked to swallow. And you can bet your goddamned ass I have nothing good to say about the pacing of the story or the characters for something that takes the equivalent of four episodes to even get to the hook it advertises in the promos. There's nothing all that interested going on in the production either, unless you count the massive inherited glaucoma that everybody seems to be ignoring. No godawful CGI, I guess, which is a rarity for idol shows.

I survived 25 minutes of this. I could watch an entire movie, telling a complete, compact, finished story in the time I'd have to sit through pure idol dreck waiting for the story to start the very model of absolute perfection to be stuffed into a fridge. I simply do not have it in me, and especially not for a goddamned idol worship show.