Not-Quirky Girl Meets Not-Quirky Boy

The Dangers In My Heart
https://bokuyaba-anime.com/
Studio: Shin-Ei Animation
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
Angsty boy meets girl.

Random Thoughts:
This is the same as the Takagi or Nagatoro type schlock that's gotten popular lately. Dude mentally rants about how everybody is scum and deserves to die, then the girl looks at him and he blushes and goes "SQUEE! SHE LOOKED AT ME!" Repeat that, over and over and over and over and over. The manga here is by the same dudette as Mitsudomoe, and is just as puerile, though a lot less weird and gross, unless you count comical dismemberment fantasies. I've yet to meet one of these things that I could stomach for more than an episode or two, and the promos are absolutely playing up how 'cute' the quirky (non) romance is.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Sir, this is a Little Caesars.

The Clueless New Student is Out of Control.
https://guiguikuru.com/
Studio: Studio Signpost
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 2nd

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
You see, the girl is quiet, so classmates pick on her, but the new boy is hyperactive and wants to be her friend. And that makes her blush. Another one of these banal things, just with the genders reversed. The premise must be repeated at the start of each four to five page segment, the manic pixie boyfriend states the scenario, the milquetoast girl says "do whatever," boyfriend yells how cool that is, she blushes. Wash, rinse, repeat. 

Preseason Swing Rating: 

An aggressive intestinal worm.

Skip and Loafer
https://skip-and-loafer.com/
Studio: PA Works
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 4th

Show Premise: 
Girl meets boy.

Random Thoughts:
Yes, that is the entire premise. It is what the kids call "slice of life," but what I prefer to more accurately refer to as "melodrama without the drama," because it sure as hell ain't a comedy. Nothing more substantial than someone petting a cat while another person thinks "You're just petting a random cat!?" And then spends a page thinking that this too is part of the tapestry that is the glorious spring of youth, a phrase that if you did not imagine venemous sarcasm dripping from my jaded tongue, you are not getting the full image. I will never understand the appeal. Just get high, listen to some elevator music, and stare at a montage of Van Gogh paintings.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
   
Even Inspector Closseau can't find the point.

Not-Quirky Girl Meets Not-Quirky Boy… With A Hobby

A Love Story With Level 999 Yamada
https://yamadalv999-anime.com/
Studio: Madhouse
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
Girl has crush on gamer dude.

Random Thoughts:
So we come to the closely related cousin of the above, but with the added twist of also talking about some random subject. This one featuring all the standard tropes like gamers being asocial shut-ins, going "BWAAAGH!?" when someone with a female avatar is a guy, and constant not-quite accurate explanations of basic MMO concepts so people can clap along like harp seals because they get the audience. It's trying to be much more of a comedy than romance, but the jokes at most only ever amount to the girl making stupid faces when the dude deadpan rebuffs her, so don't expect much.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Draws aggro repeatedly.

Blue Orchestra
https://aooke-anime.com/
Studio: Nippon Animation
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 9th

Show Premise: 
Violinist who hates violins joins orchestra.

Random Thoughts:
The promos are a bit horrifying in the robotic CGI orchestra. Come on, animators. If you're willing to draw a cat's testicles and anus every time one is shown from behind, you can draw a freaking violin. Even the promo is corny as hell, featuring both protagonists open mouthed gaping in wonder with impact lines and zoom in as a high school band plays the freaking Light Cavalry Overture. I grew up listening to classical music. Not because we were cultured, but because it was on Looney Tunes. God help Japan when they discover Leroy Anderson. Anyway, standard cliches. He gave up the violin, but meets a girl who wants him to teach her and rediscovers love of music through… high school band. I know high school bands, both their quality and their members. This ain't it.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

A flaming fist shoved up a french horn's bell.

Your Afterschool Insomnia
https://kimisomu-anime.com/
Studio: Lidenfilms
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 10th

Show Premise: 
Dude with insomnia befriends girl with insomnia.

Random Thoughts:
And partway through the second chapter, they're both cured, it's never mentioned again, and it's just two teenagers doing school stuff, occasionally taking naps in the club room to pad out the page count. The girl is quirky. The dude is mopey. What chemistry. Not even quirky in the fun way like an amoral vampire. Quirky as in… likes cats. Boy, the excitement here is palpable. And not even the only show this season where entire chapters are dedicated to looking at a cat, but we'll get to that eventually.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Would it be poetic if I slept through it?

It's The End of the World And Everyone's Dressed Weird

The Grand Delusion of Heaven
https://tdm-anime.com/
Studio: Production IG
Genre: Adventure
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
Kids search for 'heaven' after the apocalpyse.

Random Thoughts:
The story's split between vault kids being told the outside is hell, while most of it is focused a pair wandering a mutant-filled Mad Max apocalypse land looking for 'heaven', with the unifying thing being both believe there are 'twins' of themselves on the other side. It does, however, apparently get a bit… weird… about sex, which is a charitable way to put it considering the characters are all like 12-13 years old. Both on the side of emotionally stunted kids experimenting in the vault, and willful self-prostitution on the outside. Also there's some brain switching involved? Easily comprehensible or summed up in a blurb, it is not, which I'm counting as a positive. I'm certainly more interesting in the apocalyptic adventures side over another Shadows House/Promised Neverland.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Worm, donut, or donut worm?

Run For the Money: Great Mission
https://www.toei-anim.co.jp/tv/tosochu_gm/
Studio: Toei Animation
Genre: Parkour?
Premieres April 1st* (early morning show)

Show Premise: 
People play hide and seek.

Random Thoughts:
Run For the Money is a longtime reality game show that's kind of like a mix of Survivor, The Amazing Race, and tag. It's even had some console versions. This appears to be playing it straight, taking place in a sci-fi setting with radical teenagers instead of comedians, voice actors, and youtubers. There's not much else to go off of. It's airing in the morning, in Digimon's slot to be precise (so it's one of those rare things that 'air' in the evening for the western world), so don't expect a Squid Game kind of vibe, and I was on the fence about covering it here at all since it's likely to be aimed squarely at the same crowd as, well, Digimon. The animation in the promo is pretty rough too, particularly the CGI men in black hunters. Maybe you should've gotten Hard Gay in there to cameo after all.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
     
I got you in my sights, buster.

Magical Girl Magical Destroyers
https://magical-mad.com/
Studio: Bibury Animation Studios
Genre: Action
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Otaku hero named Otaku Hero leads three magical girls to revive otaku culture.

Random Thoughts:
One of the very few non-sequel entirely originals of this season, so not a lot to go off of. There is some game coming out at the same time, but not out yet. Bibury is uneven with animation, but not universally awful (Azur Lane, Prima Doll). Key staff have also been around forever, but almost entirely in lesser roles, with the most notable thing was the director did the 2021 PreCure. Promos seem decent enough though, with certainly way more focus on anarchic magical girls with chainsaws rather than bad fanservice or similar antics. I have some hope for this one, or at least, know very little obnoxious about it, although these kinds of masturbatory otaku things do veer that way more often than not. I do see a mascot pet in there too.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
I'm okay with chaos.

The Marginal Service
https://marginalservice.com/
Studio: Studio 3Hz
Genre: Naked People
Premieres April 11th

Show Premise: 
Bodybuilders fight lizard aliens?

Random Thoughts:
This is not just an original, it doesn't even have a summary, and the first promo was just the entire cast posing naked, aside from the talking squirrel. Subsequent promos involve them fighting lizard people with rifles and such. They also have ridiculous names, though my favorite is what appears to be the antagonist, a dude idol named Rubber Suit. Director and writer are both too prolific to have any distinguishing traits (though they worked together on Overly Cautious Hero), and 3hz is generally pretty good on the production side (Flip Flappers, Healer Girl). It seems quite unhinged if nothing else, which would absolutely be a win given what the default is.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Too naked! TOO NAKED!

Dealing With Death Entirely Incorrectly

Hell's Paradise
https://www.jigokuraku.com/
Studio: Mappa
Genre: Action
Premieres April 1st

Show Premise: 
Invulnerable ninja is forced to join a suicide squad to find the elixir of immortality.

Random Thoughts:
The second of shows this season trying to make a pun out of mixing heaven and hell in the title. I want to give Mappa the benefit of the doubt since they're solid on the production front, but the promos have more dramatic posing with manic grins than it does any kind of their characteristic action, though there is some. Also, the source here is Jump, and Mappa does not tend to take many, if any liberties to spice things up. It is, however, a finished Jump manga, so perhaps that means that the pacing and melodrama won't be as atrocious as Jump things are, but having thumbed through the first chapter, that very much does not appear to be the case. All the key staff here are also newbies, so that's extra cause for concern.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Zero afros.

My Home Hero
https://myhomehero-anime.com/
Studio: Tezuka Productions
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 2nd

Show Premise: 
Dude murders his daughter's serial killer yakuza boyfriend and works with his wife to cover it up.

Random Thoughts:
See? Now this is an elevetaor pitch. A regular dude thrust into a horrifying world he's no able to cope with. A tense thriller, trying to capture the Breaking Bad or Ozark crowd, not overreacting for the camera over every little thing. That said, I'm myself not much of a fan of those kinds of shows. I find them depressing and a bit upsetting, seeing people at their ugliest, forced to do horrific things where there's nothing at the end except more misery. So even if it does keep the pace up, which it'd have to accelerate the manga's pace quite a bit, I'm iffy on this one myself. We'll see though.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Remember to melt the bones with lye!

Acts of God in a Godless World
https://kamikatsu-anime.jp/
Studio: Studio Palette
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 5th

Show Premise: 
Dude's cultist father accidentally kills him. Is reincarnated into a world without gods and starts a religion.

Random Thoughts:
It's a Logan's Run world where the nobility forces all 'useless' peasants to kill themselves, and of course, his religion is worshipping a naked little girl who wants nothing more than to ride his crucifix, and bequeths cheat powers to him based on the follower count. It's more involved than this usual schlock, which might be why the title is somewhat snappy instead of an entire paragraph. This is Palette's first solo show, though the other one they were heavily involved with (World's Finest Assassin etc) was far from stellar. It's not even action oriented to start with, going more for 'comedic' overreactions to the supposedly hilarious situation of being bossed around by a powerless six year old goddess. Oh, and I didn't even mention the interdimensional porn books. Good luck with that.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Human sacrifice never seemed so obnoxious.

The Hero is Dead! It Happened Because The Hero Fell into a Pit That I, a Villager, Dug
https://heroisdead.com/
Studio: Lidenfilms
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
Despite the title, this comes from a manga, not a light novel. His soul is forced into the hero's body and he picks up both the hero's girlfriend and his own to form a complete harem. It thinks of itself as a comedy, in the sense that the first actual monster they encounter melts clothing, the protagonist is a pervert who haremette #1 hits for it, and everybody makes stupid overreaction faces. Comedy! This director's resume always makes me laugh. There's some pseudo porn like Ikki Tousen, some actual porn, and then there's S-CRY-ed. It is, as all these things are, an RPG world where everybody has explicit power levels and whatnot.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
…Whole lotta zombies this season.

Fantasy That Isn't Fantastic

Mashle
https://mashle.pw/
Studio: A-1 Pictures
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Bodybuilder pretends to be a wizard.

Random Thoughts:
I could actually see something like Connecticut Yankee being interesting; someone clever faking magic with physics knowledge and ingenuity, but this is Jump. Instead, it's more like "Use magic to lift that boulder." Dude picks up boulder. "BWAAAAGH! THAT IS NOT MAGIC! BWAAAAGH! Now block this fireball! NO, NOT JUST HIT IT AWAY! BWAAAGH! THAT IS NOT MAGIC!" Clearly trying to tap into the same punchline as One Punch Man, which I already tired of about two episodes into that, but in Harry Potter land. complete with Dumbeldore, and rated G. They yell "BWAAAAGH" in the promos too, so… yep. That's what you're getting.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

…BWAAAAGH…

Edo Elf
https://edomae-elf.com/
Studio: C2C
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Girl is priestess to a shut-in elf in modern day.

Random Thoughts:
Another one of these damn things. Already been through everything from demon to goddess to spirit to vampire to Lovecraftian monster to tiny pocket mummy. Now with an elf. How is she different from other people? She has long ears, and things sparkle around her. No, this is not particularly wacky or slapstick. She makes distressed faces when the priestess tells her to go outside and then the priestess gets mad when she says she wants a new Playstation game or the like. You're going to have to do way better than that. 

Preseason Swing Rating: 

How about trying to take care of David Bowie circa 1975?

The Reason Why She Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion
https://koshakutei.com/
Studio: Typhoon Graphics
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 10th

Show Premise: 
Girl is reincarnated into a novel as a character who gets murdered and tries to change her fate.

Random Thoughts:
Wow. What a creative premise. Instead of the antagonist, it's a minor NPC. Really straining the creative muscles on this one. Oh, and she has an internal avatar that makes over the top reactions and explains how characters are lying? It must've taken them all afternoon to come up with these twists on it. Same bog standard schlock as it seems like we have to have one of each season, and are supposedly only becoming more popular. A little less slapstick than most, but paint by numbers otherwise, right down to the excessively pointy chinned sparkling bishies.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Why can't anybody get reincarnated into a spaghetti western?

The Sacrificial Princess and The King of Beasts
https://niehime-anime.com/
Studio: JC Staff
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 19th

Show Premise: 
Demon takes child slave bride.

Random Thoughts:
Why are these cropping up season after season lately? This isn't even the only one (the other's a sequel). She's quirky because she's not scared of him and is an orphan with nobody, while he has a pretty boy form and is sacrificing himself by not feeding off humans which handicaps his power. Promos are just the usual tragic starry-eyed girl standing in the wind, and animal-people also standing in the wind so their clothes can billow. Maybe go somewhere less windy.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Please stop hooking up with angsty animal people.

Cheat Power Reincarnation With Extra Asinine Titles

Chronicles of an Aristocrat Reborn in Kentucky – The Apostle of Gods Who Have No Self-Restraint
https://www.tensei-kizoku.jp/
Studio: EMT Squared
Genre: Being Creepy
Premieres April 2nd

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
As generic as these godawful power fantasy RPG reincarnations get, right down to the world of polygamy where he has an entire harem of wives by the cover, including family members and servants. The main promo is almost entire his maid shrieking over how she wants to serve him forever, and even in his 'adult' form, everybody appears about ten years old, so the entire transparent harem nonsense is extra creepy. Find something new, Japan. Please. I'm begging you.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

A very unique snowflake.

I Got Cheat Skills in Kentucky And Became Unstoppable In the Real World – Leveling Up Changed My Life
https://www.iseleve.com/
Studio: Millepensee
Genre: Making Me Hate Life
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
As if the title didn't gall enough, Millepensee is a godawful studio (Cop Craft, that Spider thing), and it's the same key staff as those as well. It's by the same dude as Fruit of Evolution too, but more 'serious,' and by the promos, more trying to go for that could-easily-be-mistaken-for-porn overly detailed aesthetic of things like Kite and Mezzo. I don't think that's going to help it stand out or differentiate itself from the pack. Particularly when there are plenty of these that are flat out porn anyway.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
   
This damn trend will outlast the insects.

Kentucky One Turn Kill Sister – I Started Living in Kentucky With My Sister
https://onekillsister.com/
Studio: Gekkou
Genre: Large Chests
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
Because obviously the issue with that awful show about the cheat power mom who wanted to ride his rapier was that it was the wrong flavor of incest. So here we are, swapping out one family member for a different one. The promos are basically all just the various harem members rubbing their chests against the lead, so… I'm already very, very tired of this, and only halfway through the new cheat powers of this season, to say nothing of all the returning ones.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

In another world with my cheat pizza.

This is the Second Time I Was Summoned to Kentucky
https://isenido.com/
Studio: Studio elle
Genre: Spanking
Premieres April 8th

Show Premise: 
See title.

Random Thoughts:
He was summoned, sent back by jealous people to reincarnate in a new body with his cheat powers intact, and then got summoned again with his entire class so goes on a tour to his reunite with his entire slave harem, which is every single named female. Not even hyperbole. The very first one literally calls herself his slave and orgasms uncontrollably from being spanked. And Studio Elle? Remember Gibiate? Of course not. Nobody does. It was atrocious and horrifically poorly animated. Just showing an arm move to spank in the promos is more animation than Gibiate had though, so they're improving. In… uh… at least one sense.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Just let the plague rats consume this crap already.

Dead Mount Death Play
https://dmdp-anime.jp/
Studio: Geektoys
Genre: Action
Premieres April 10th

Show Premise: 
Necromancer reincarnates into the modern world and finds himself in the body of a murdered kid in the middle of a gang war.

Random Thoughts:
By the same author as Baccano and DRRRRRRRRRR, so pacing is almost certainly going to be a massive issue. The promos are actually animated though, and it is mostly action oriented, though certainly loves its fanservice too, particularly of the psychotic zombified main heroine and the boss lady of the group he joins who's having sex with all her waitresses, simultaneously. The director's been around, and is no stranger to action with heavy T&A (Horizon, Dragonaut), but while the PVs look decent enough, Geek Toys has been very mediocre as a studio, so I'm skeptical it'll actually be getting enough of a budget to focus on the action instead of the hojillion lines of setting exposition this author loves, not that any serious cheat power reincarnation thing has ever turned out well. 

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Congratulations! You're the least worst of this category.

Alien Invaders Incapable of Surviving a Daycare

Alice Gear Aegis Expansion
https://colopl.co.jp/alicegearaegis/lp/tv-anime/
Studio: Nomad
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 3rd

Show Premise: 
Girls fight with exo-suits. But not really.

Random Thoughts:
This franchise began life as a mobile game half a decade ago, but last year got a console version that recently released globally. It's an arena shooter fight deal, not too dissimilar from things like Xenoverse or Magical Battle Arena, but in any form, has about as much of a story as Street Fighter. It did have an OVA last year, which is being rebroadcast the week prior to the premiere. The promos do have some space dog-fighting with laser barrages, but it appears to be, and in fact explicitly declares itself to be, a "heartful comedy," their words, not mine. It's more animation than most of the other supposed comedies this season, and nobody screamed "BWAAAAGH" at me, so somehow that already puts it at the top of the heap at barely above sea level.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Radioactive space milk.

Too Cute Crisis
https://kawaisugi.com/
Studio: SynergySP
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Alien decides not to destroy Earth because cats are cute.

Random Thoughts:
If you thought that looking at cat pictures on the internet was fun before, wait until you do it with someone constantly screaming "THAT IS SO CUTE!" Oh, sorry. I just spoiled the entire plot and every single joke in this show. When they need to mix things up, they do it with dogs. Or hamsters. Or a different kind of cat. Or bring in a different alien to yell "THAT IS TOO CUTE!" The promos have the yelling and the cat pics, so they're right on the source material. It is yet another goddamned Jump thing after all, and this is not traditionally been a discerning audience.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
It's not truly cute unless it's also horrifying.

The Galaxy Next Door
https://otonari-anime.com/
Studio: Asahi Production
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 8th

Show Premise: 
Dude gets magical alien wife.

Random Thoughts:
I don't know why all the English writeups play so coy with it. At the end of the first chapter, he touches a pointy part of her, yada yada blood magic bond and now they're magically married and physically unable to live apart. Merely the first of two shows bordering on magical date rape. The second easiest date rape show of the season. All blushes and spilling the spaghetti, as I believe kids said fifteen years ago. Just like the other ten thousand shows exactly like this. I guess at least she's an alien. That's… something. Even though she does absolutely nothing alienish whatsoever. At least inject the sack of porridge male lead with your seahorse babies or something.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Wrap him up in your tentacles and squeeze hard.

The Idol Industry Must Feed

Bonds of Allele
http://kizunanoallele.com/
Studio: Signal.MD
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 3rd

Show Premise: 
Girls go to vtuber idol school.

Random Thoughts:
This is being produced by Kizuna Ai's company where she was the world champion vtuber for half a decade in the vtuber olympics or something until disappearing and now all her fans want to win the vtuber world cup. So an extremely masturbatory marketing ploy to pitch some agency voice actors as vtubers straight from the agencies. I don't much like vtubers to start with for the same reason I don't like the youngs. They're loud and obnoxious. But I understand them fulfilling the role of the town crier or lunatic late night college shock jockey of old, except massively more cloying because 1-900 phone sex is out of fashion and doesn't scale well anyway. As an original, there's only the barely animated promos of girls looking at fireworks or clenching their fists, declaring that they'll try their best to go off of. Not even bad CGI, or more likely, that awful looking full-body VR that they use for 'live concerts.' Really tapping into vtuber culture, eh, guys?

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Not one is an animal? Are these vtubers at all?

Opus.COLORs
https://www.opus-colors.com/
Studio: C-Station
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
Dudes go to VR art school.

Random Thoughts:
This is an original show, and the writeup is basically weird nonsense about some new form of art that took the world by storm because it affects all five senses, and to manage it, the artist needs to be paired with a 'grader' who moderates the sensory experience or something… while 'painting' on empty canvases through… you know what, let's focus on the promo instead. It's a bunch of pointy-chinned pretty boys pairing up to hug each other or poke each other. Good lord, there's 15 of the damn things, plus a couple more older dudes to be teachers or whatever. Why bother pretending to be about art at all?

Preseason Swing Rating: 

It's called hentai, and it's art.

World Superstar
https://world-dai-star.com/anime
Studio: Lerche
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 9th

Show Premise: 
Girls go to theater school.

Random Thoughts:
It's not idols, it's actresses. But also they do all the same idol things. Including pitching the mobile gacha game that will be coming out in three months where you collect 'em all. And all belonging to specific groups that sing songs and perform together in costume. The only way you could draw me in is if one of them shanks another in the face. Even the insanity that was that one show about the interdimensional time giraffe overseeing a faux battle tournament didn't do it.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
 
Can't you go to medical school or something useful instead?

[ Her Fans ]
https://ichigoproduction.com/
Studio: Doga Kobo
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 12th* (90 minute premiere)

Show Premise: 
Dude is reincarnated as the son of his favorite idol and wants to solve her murder.

Random Thoughts:
Lest you think this is some kind of murder mystery, let me disabuse you of that immediately. It's a Jump thing running on three years now, proceeding with solving its mystery at the same pace as Love is War did with its romance, since it’s the same author, which is to say that if you hang in there for three seasons/5 years, it MIGHT get far enough to uncover the first suspect. The dude does idol stuff, but to find clues… while his twin sister, also a reincarnee, but apathetic to revenge, does idol stuff to… be an idol. Does going through all the same idol motions, but once every ten minutes mugging sinisterly for the camera and saying "one step closer" overcome my distaste for idol schlock? I doubt it! Especially when it's not one step so much as one quarter centimeter. The bloody 90 minute first episode also fills me with immense dread.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Ask me about my yeast infection.

Tropes We Left Behind in 2005, Back For Revenge

Yuri is My Job!
https://watayuri-anime.com/
Studio: Passione
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 6th

Show Premise: 
Girl is coerced into working at an all girl café where one of them hates her.

Random Thoughts:
That's the official translation of the title, because the actual one would be more like "My Homosexuality is (for) my Job," which… let's chalk it up to cultural differences. Remember Marimite? This is very shamelessly that once again; flower backgrounds everywhere, girls constantly but not quite kissing, blushing constantly, etc. Hell, there's even weird popularity contest rituals where they get officially paired up and have bizarre German titles slapped onto them to creepily ritualize the whole thing. We're not a couple, we're feuchtfröhlich. No, literally.

Preseason Swing Rating: 

Das ist mir Wurst.

Goddess Café Terrace
https://goddess-cafe.com/
Studio: Tezuka Productions
Genre: Comedy
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Dude owns a café.

Random Thoughts:
Let's review the first few pages. He walks in one one naked, stumbles into another one naked, stumbles into the third one naked, stumbles into the fourth one naked, stumbles into the fifth one naked, gets kicked and called a pervert. That should set the tone and expectations. It's weird seeing a transparent Love Hina clone two decades after the fact, but then I remember the alternatives that are currently in trend. And no, they're not actual goddesses. They're just teenagers with future back problems who constantly wander around the house naked like an 80s movie sorority in perpetual pillow fight. God speed, you trashy nonsense.

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Get yourself a girl with a WIIIIIDE mouth.

Rokudou's Bad Girls
https://www.rokudo-akujo.com/
Studio: Satelight
Genre: Drama
Premieres April 7th

Show Premise: 
Dude magically forces bad girls to fall in love with him.

Random Thoughts:
This isn't Jump, but its direct competitor, not that that makes it any better. Every story is the protagonist ugly crying about how he wants things to be nicer while getting beat up, which always wins over everybody by showing the strength of his resolve. The point of each story is to 'fix' the various delinquent girls that he is essentially date raping while complaining about being swarmed by them. Technically, there's punching, but it ain't the focus and my god, is the animation in the promos so horrendous that I'm genuinely concerned for Satelight. You're a decent studio. What on Earth are you doing putting out something that looks, and is, this embarrassing?

Preseason Swing Rating: 
  
Isn't this the marketing campaign for axe body spray?