天下制覇

Yeah, yeah, I know it’s a truism.

Impressions:

After Red Hood, I was hoping the DCAU was getting their act together a little more, but no such luck. Their latest release about Supergirl’s origin was pretty bloody atrocious from start to finish and I’m going to lay the majority of that on the writing. I cannot believe some of these lines made it through. You would get less cheese from eating a pound of roquefort, not to mention the bizarre time jumps at the start where it’s suddenly a week later, then Darkseid says "BRING ME THE GIRL" in his worst bad guy voice possible before… it’s now two months later. "BRING ME THE GIRL… WHENEVER YOU GET AROUND TO IT… WAIT, I’LL GET HER MYSELF." Not quite as menacing.

At least it got so bad sometimes that it was funny. The cheese aside, there was a sequence where doomtanks attack the team as they’re raiding Apokolips. Superman, being the strongest of the group, flies up and punches… not a tank… but the flames that a tank is shooting, leaving Diana, Barda, and Batman to actually fight the other three tanks. This is then followed by a giant dog eating Batman, who then steps out of its smoking maw, and for some as of yet unknown reason, orders the two nearby guards to strip. I mean, sure, if Batman stepped out of a smoking 40 foot dog and ordered me to take my clothes off, who am I to argue? He then breaks the code on a Darkseid’s collection of planet destroying bombs and arms all of them in a matter of seconds before flying off to menace Darkseid with them. He’s the Batman, sure, but couldn’t Darkseid afford a little better security than a couple giant dogs and apparently a bicycle lock on his doomsday collection? Also amusing, Darkseid finished beating people up at the end and turns to leave, only to be stopped by Superman (presumed dead), who attacks him so… he can send Darkseid back to Apokolips (well, deep space). It’s like they couldn’t even afford chimps at the typewriters and had to settle for bonobos in heat.

Oh yeah, and did I mention Krypto, the Superdog? This has Krypto, the Superdog. Enough said.

That just leaves the action then. It was okay, but hard to get into it since it was either so far beyond sensical (an army of Doomsday clones as a feint) or so far away from the plot (Wonder Woman and Barda vs the Furies) that only the very last fight had any real sense of drama or importance to it. That didn’t stop Superman from falling to his knees in anguish over vaporizing an army of the invincible Doomsdays all at once. This particular iteration of the DCAU also seemed overly enamored with eyebeams. I’m trying not to lead too much into it, especially when Clark gawking at Kara’s belly shirt was more menacing by far.

Overall, yuck. Skip it. It could be fun to watch in a group to mock all the absolutely horrid and cheesy lines, or maybe drink every time someone’s eyes glow, but this was nowhere near the level of Red Hood or even Public Enemies. At least it’s just more proof that Superman is a jerk, idiot, misogynist, and possibly harboring incestual thoughts. Not that any of that is new, but it’s good to see the old traditions continuing.