Golden Kamuy #01 — Animal Cruelty

April 9th, 2018


Bears don't deserve to be CGIed that badly.

Frankenstein Family turned out to be a half-length show, so I'm happy to skip it entirely. The telling moment was when the muggle protagonist snapped because his family was being so maladjusted in public. One of them had turned into a dog, one of them was playing with her food, one of them was fiddling with a tiny mushroom on her hand, and one of them was reading a book. So clearly, they were all culpable for this travesty.


This combines the old standbys of terrible pacing and godawful animation. There's only like five scenes in the entire damn episode, so expect long dull periods of sitting around and placidly talking, punctuated by 'action' bits which are mostly also talking, but of the best part, extensive internal narration. The most animated things are the CGI bears, and they move like fur blankets draped over amorphous blobs. A bullet gets absorbed by its CGI blob-bear absorption powers. The wolf jumps on it, has literally the entire things face in its jaws and neither one is really fazed by this. Mostly though, it's just not basically not animated at all. Because who needs to see someone punching a bear when you can just toss up a still image? That intro attempt to be Saving Private Ryan must've eaten up all the budget, and even probably cost what KyoAni has in their eye glimmer budget.

I don't know what there is to say about the plot or the characters. Neither exists. We got as far covering the premise blurb in as tedious a way as possible. The scene with the drunk went on at least five minutes longer than it needed to, and the two of them together have as much comraderie and chemistry as a brick does with a sack of sand. They're supposed to be capable badasses, or partially super saiyan judging by the ability to shrug off gunfire and bear attacks, but spend most of the time staring gormlessly and/or blathering, so even if the animation wasn't embarrassingly terrible, it'd still be all talk.

Posted in Golden Kamuy | 1 Comment »

One Lonely Comment

  • Sol says:

    I’ll stick to the manga.