Rewrite #01a — Parade of Vaginas

July 2nd, 2016


Who needs a plot or structure when you have an hour to fill?

Hour long first episode. Splitting it up because my template likes that and I need a few minutes between this nonsense to resist the urge to claw my face off out of boredom.


Is there any better way to convey information than internal narration? Who else can't get e-goddamned-nough of hearing a protagonist give exposition to the magical goat that lives in his head and needs everything explained to it every single minute of every single day of its life? You're not a goddamned visual novel here, you piddling slopwits. Learn to goddamned show instead of an unstoppable stream of exposition set to elevator music, punctuated by the occasional sloppy night-hickey. Those night-hickeys were also the closest this came to any kind of plot.

I'm not even going to call this 25 minute chunk introduction. It was more like a wikipedia article given form. An introduction would set up some kind of direction for the characters or show to then follow. Especially in the second half, this was just bumping into one vagina carrier after the next. See this girl? Isn't she quirky and cute with the way she talks through her nose and has no social abilities? And here's another. She's also quirky and cute and also talks through her nose. Here's this guy. He's quirky and yells. Now here's two or three more girls. See how they make faces and overreact? Maybe we'll do something with them eventually. Not now though! It's like they're afraid of turning off anybody who doesn't immediately see every annoying archetype is present so they can squeal and clap their hands, so screw anything like a story or characterization, we've got to make this sack of narration check off all the checkboxes ASAP or we might lose the diehard crowd for Random Nasally Moron #7.

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