July 24th, 2014
But at least there were CGI cars.
…There are always CGI cars…
So, which will we be this week? Gallant McUp-Its-Own-Ass-But-Barreling-Forward or Goofus McStays-Home-Sniffing-Its-Own-Farts-And-Jerking-Off-To-How-Clever-It-Is? Well, let’s see here. The first half contains nothing. Then they reach the halfway point, there’s another riddle about another bomb in the city. That the police just felt like nobody needed to know about. Despite being on Not-YouTube. Also note that the clue was “A SHRINE” and “BAD FEET” and the answer was “THE GOD OF FEET,” but somehow, it took going through Puzzles and Goddamned Dragons to arrive at the answer of “the shrine with the god of feet.” Goofus it is! This isn’t some tense battle of wits. This is 10 seconds of content with 15 minutes of posturing over it. Oh but wait, there were also some flashbacks to repeat what they’ve already covered, but now with a 10 ton hammer. Can’t wait for them to break out the 50 ton!
But here’s what really gets me about that. That was the entire content of (the second half of) the episode. There was literally nothing else going on. Do you know how many of those stupid riddles Batman would solve in a single episode? And still find time to fight a gang of burly men in question mark suits atop a giant question mark designed to suck the brains out of all the lemurs in the zoo to give their formidble lemur smarts to one man because the Riddler knew Batman would solve the riddle anyway? It’s not goddamned one, that’s for sure. And the terrible nonsensical riddle is just a terrible gimmick, and everyone knows that. It’s not what people are there to see. No, it’s the man in tights with daddy issues sweating it up with a gaily dressed little boy by beating up circus clowns and deformed men.
Also still waiting for the girl to be involved in any way. She’s just there. Getting yelled at by mom. And that’s it. Can’t you feel the pathos. Hasn’t even been asked to bring them coffee. Just there being all angsty. Except not even there either. Off somewhere else being angsty. Thursdays are starting to make me angry.