Valvrave #05 — “What’s Sex?”

May 9th, 2013

 

When the female penetrates the passive male as it sits there panicking and stunned.

Impressions:

For some reason, I doubt that we’re headed for the dystopian nightmare that would usually accompany a bunch of mentally handicapped children trying to form their own country while being menaced on all sides based on the fact that A.) They have a robot, and B.) Teens rule! Hell, they didn’t even go a day before someone had driven heavy construction material into a major water line, and instead of trying to fix it, they began dancing and photographing the event like ninnies. You’ve got to assume that water was supposed to be going somewhere, and unless they have a bunch of people who were majoring in space plumping, it’s permanently not anymore. Oh yeah, and they probably flooded the area too.

Of course, then the lights out and almost the first thing any of them did was nearly fall to their deaths by walking into a hole. This is soon followed up by one girl biting another just to make sure that she doesn’t have magical powers. Shoko decides to then defuse the situation by singing Christmas carols. A slap fight starts, but luckily, the dynamic duo pushes the single button that controls all power to their entire country, including the artificial sun, and crisis over, it’s time for celebration music to flair, everyone to draw pretty pictures on the blackboard, and a particularly godawful insert song montage and dance sequence. And then they stumble across an entire farm of magic space vampire robots which is such a turn on to the vampire wannabe that she immediately shoves her tongue down his throat while the AI wonders if they’re screwing.

The mystery of how someone was paid to create this continues for another week.

Next Episode:

Some kind of robot thing.

Posted in Valvrave | 12 Comments »

12 Shouts From the Peanut Gallery

  • Anon says:
    May 9, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    Well, lets see when they run out of their Food and Water supply

    • Anon says:
      May 9, 2013 at 12:47 pm

      and how they keep their Air running.. Many Basic things…

      • Anonymous says:
        May 9, 2013 at 1:56 pm

        I guess the MST3K mantra doesn’t apply here for some reason? I’m watching it for how ridiculous it is, screw any supposed seriousness its supposed to have.

        • Chevalier says:
          May 9, 2013 at 2:40 pm

          The amount of “supposed seriousness” is already pretty low.

          So you think you’re doing something wrong, but that’s exactly what the show is promoting.

  • Chevalier says:
    May 9, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    “The mystery of how someone was paid to create this continues for another week.”

    I’d say the answer is starting at you in the face, but I’ve been saying that since day one.

  • Yue says:
    May 9, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    Ways on how to fix this show immediately:

    1) nukes
    2) Open airlocks.. vent characters to space
    3) release T-virus
    4) Begin Zerg invasion sequence
    5) add werewolves

  • algorithm says:
    May 9, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    “The mystery of how someone was paid to create this continues for another week.”

    No need to be jealous. We all are anyway.

  • Ashlotte says:
    May 9, 2013 at 11:27 pm

    This show is amazingly hysterical for all the wrong reasons hahaha…Christ Comedy of the year for sure.

  • FlameStrike says:
    May 10, 2013 at 2:05 am

    OMG LOL YEAH SHOKO WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!?! AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that was so so…… I face palmed literally when she did that. It thought she was gona strip again but WTF. To think I actually liked Shoko a bit after the previous episode, now I know she’s just a weirdo!!! SO WEIRDOO. That OOC song was lulz as heck too, but everything about Valrave is just LOL. I normally turn my brain off and enjoy these kinds of lulz shows, but Valrave is another beast. I have to really reach deep and turn my brain off ANOTHER NOTCH. Hahahahahahaha well now that I know what to expect I can prepare my body. Well Valrave tan seems to have sentience so that can be amusing depending on how they take it haha.

    Though seriously, Valrave is now a show that contains absolutely no seriousness at all to me. I won’t even think about reasonable questions like “food” or “air” or “WHERE DID ALL DEM MECAHS COMES FROM?!”. Such activities are competently futile. It’s like trying to ask bugs bunny how he ran through a hole he drew on the wall. Shit just happens for the lulz.

  • arknoir says:
    May 10, 2013 at 6:12 am

    Check Shoko Merkel out with those high level decisions of hers! Watch out Dorssia.

  • [NANOHA.PWNS.YOU] says:
    May 11, 2013 at 1:18 am

    I watched the entire show with difficulty. I was suppressing my laughter at how students can survive running by themselves an entire space colony with nothing but a single Robot with a moe AI and a hikkikomori, for those special black-ops social media warfare powah-of-followahs!, acting as their entire armed forces.

    And concerning the colony’s power, I guess the kids were lucky that the atmospheric and gravity control systems of the colony are intact when the power-tripped. Though the kids asphyxiating to death would have been a better outcome than the FABULOUS dance and music number they did.

    And Rukino. She finally got what she wanted [Being alone with MC], she tried but failed a few episodes before (Eruru was inside the Vulva..err Valvrave and wont give them privacy ;] ). She may be a spy or a mole… And despite all that, I like her; character design-wise.

    And lastly. 3 Super powers, 2 at each other’s throats while the last one is neutral. Neutral power secretly develops Giant Robotâ„¢ technology far superior than the latter 2’s tech. One of the latter 2 powers covertly steal[s] the Giant Robotâ„¢ of neutral power. Hmm… where have I heard of such an ORIGINAL plot before?

  • Anonymous says:
    May 11, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    You crack me up little buddy.